


Imagine Me and You

by purplemonster



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 15:31:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6912943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplemonster/pseuds/purplemonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luhan deems his life ordinary. Until he sees what's not there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Imagine Me and You

**Author's Note:**

> reads like a heavy drama. so fluff some pillows, grab a few snacks to eat and drink. this is going to be one long read.

\- 

_He arrives in this new world all wet and sticky. He can’t see very well but all of his other senses seem to be working, especially since he can also hear himself cry. He’s not sure why. He’s not sad. Uncomfortable, maybe. But he’s not sure why he’s bawling._

_He feels himself being cleaned, wrapped in something soft and comfortable, and then handed over to his mother. This makes him feel much better. He knows it’s his mother even if he can’t see her face yet. He’s lived with her for months to know who it is. She’s crying too. Just soft sniffles that make him stop crying so he can listen to her._

_A hand strokes his head. Large gentle hands that he can’t tell whose. But then he hears him say, “He looks like me” and that’s when he knows it’s his father. All those months spent listening to him sing, talk and make bad jokes is enough to know who he is._

_His mother laughs. He can feel her body shake a little at that. She settles him right against her breasts, right next to her heart, and this calms him down when he feels the constant beat of it. “I don’t know how you can tell so early,” She says. Her voice is warm and filled with so much emotion._

_“You have to look at him in this angle,” His father jokes back which earns him another laugh from his mother. It’s a nice sound. Their laughter._

_And then there’s one other voice. A he. He says, “I’m looking forward to being your friend.” He says it in a whisper, soft like his mother’s voice and gentle like his father’s touch. It’s a voice he hasn’t heard before, not even when he was still inside. He looks up, following the sound of that voice, but he doesn’t hear him speak anymore so he’s not sure who it is or where it came from._

_He doesn’t hear anything more afterwards for he’s being handed over to someone else. They have to take him to the nursery, they said._

_And then, just as he’s being whisked away, sleep takes over._

\- 

 

 

 

Luhan presses down twice to honk at a car before cursing under his breath. A car up ahead just transferred into his lane, causing the rest of them to halt and wait for the flow to start moving again. He taps his fingers on the steering wheel while he’s waiting, and then cranks up the volume on the radio to drown out the sounds of the incessant honking around him that had followed right after.

Traffic is always bad during Friday afternoons. It doesn’t get any better until it’s past seven in the evening where everyone is either at home or somewhere out for dinner. A lot of people look forward to Fridays since it’s obviously the end of the work week. But Fridays are hell days when you own a car and Luhan knew better than to join the rush hour. But it wasn’t like he had a choice.

He finally arrives after an hour of inching his way through at a snail’s pace. He parks his car and then does a brisk walk through the school’s hallways towards Xiangmin’s classroom. The school is almost empty now. Classes ended two hours ago and no one, not even the teachers would stay at this hour on a Friday afternoon.

He rounds the last corner and slows down when he sees Xiangmin sitting just outside his classroom with a teacher beside him. He feels guilt creep up at the back of his throat at how late he is and he swallows it down as he walks towards them.

“I’m so sorry,” Luhan apologizes when he’s near. “It was the traffic.”

Both Xiangmin and his teacher, Park Sunyoung, look up at him when he arrives. He’s glad Sunyoung decided to stay with him. Luhan fights hard to keep his breathless state at bay. A smile spreads across Xiangmin’s face in greeting as he jumps from his seat and runs towards him. He’s not that tall, the top of his head barely reaching his hip, so Xiangmin ends up giving Luhan an awkward but tight hug from where he is. Luhan smiles at him, reaches down to ruffle his hair and then straightens up to greet Sunyoung.

“Traffic, huh,” Sunyoung comments and Luhan can see she’s not buying it. She has one eye raised at him in a knowing look and Luhan feels awful when he knows he’s done this a couple of times now for her to know it wasn’t just the traffic.

“Well, there were some last minute things I had to take care of at the office…” Luhan adds sheepishly. Sunyoung chuckles and shakes her head.

“I’m sure there was.”

Luhan bows his head in apology once again.

“You ready to go?” Luhan asks Xiangmin. He nods, putting on his backpack.

“Lu-ssi, I was hoping I could talk to you in private before you leave?” Sunyoung asks. Luhan wonders what it could be. She had lowered her voice when she asked. Probably some surprise thing at a Family Day event coming up or another field trip.

“Yeah, sure.” Luhan then looks at Xiangmin. “You don’t mind letting your teacher and I talk for awhile, do you?”

Xiangmin shakes his head. “Can I play outside?”

“Go ahead.” Xiangmin smiles at that, bounces on his heels, and then rushes down the end of the hall where the exits that lead to the playground are. “Just don’t go on the monkey bars!” Luhan yells after him. Xiangmin replies with a faint shout of “I won’t!” before the doors close behind him.

“I don’t understand how five year olds can still have so much energy by the end of the week.” Luhan says as Sunyoung brings him inside the classroom. It’s well kept and orderly by now. There’s a cubicle on one side, a board up front, toys on the other and a view of the playground in the huge windows at the back. Luhan spots Xiangmin playing on the slides, laughing and smiling as he goes.

“Well, they are five year olds,” Sunyoung laughs lightly, sitting down on the small chairs for the kids and motioning for Luhan to take a seat too. Luhan follows, gently sitting down and hoping it doesn’t collapse on his weight.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Luhan asks. Sunyoung usually emails him any school activity and rarely request a moment with him in private.

“Just wanted to check up on how Xiangmin is doing at home.”

“He’s great.” Luhan answers. “He’s into coloring and painting these days. Said that was what you made them do recently?”

Sunyoung nods, opening a file that was within her reach. “He’s really good at it.”

She hands him Xiangmin’s artworks. There’s the usual fruits and animals drawn. Then the slides and swings at the playground. There’s also one of their living room setting back home and a few other places Luhan is familiar with. The park. His in-laws’ house. Luhan skims through each one of them until he sees a piece of him and Xiangmin together with the caption “me and appa” on it in squiggly handwriting. Xiangmin might not know how to read and write fully yet and Sunyoung probably helped him with it. But it makes Luhan smile at the effort of it all.

“Can I keep this?” He asks, pointing to that particular drawing.

“Sure. That’s one of my favorites too.” Sunyoung hands her the piece. Luhan thanks her for it. He’s already thinking of placing it in the album he keeps that’s filled with pictures and little things that reminds him of Xiangmin growing up through the years.

“The reason why I asked how he’s doing lately is because I’ve noticed how different he seems for some time now than the rest of the kids in class.” Sunyoung starts. Sunyoung has been Xiangmin’s teacher for half of the school year now. The first time Luhan dropped him off, he had been hesitant to leave him with a bunch of other children. It was his first time to be in school. It was Sunyoung who eased the first day jitters that Luhan and Xiangmin felt and since then, Luhan hasn’t worried about leaving Xiangmin at school.

Sunyoung has always been a bright and cheerful person. But right now, she seems uneasy and nervous, like a cloud is hanging above her head. It doesn’t suit her at all when Luhan is used to her always laughing and smiling, and it makes Luhan nervous even when he notes how she’s saying this very carefully so as probably not to alarm him.

“What makes you say that?” He asks.

Sunyoung looks out the window and Luhan follows her gaze as they both watch Xiangmin hopping over to the swings this time.

“He doesn’t play with the other boys and girls in this class. He’d play with them if they asked, but most of the time, he draws and plays alone. Sometimes he talks to himself but that’s normal. He also joins in every group activity we have and is very enthusiastic about it. But whenever I check up on him, he’s always by himself.”

Luhan gives a small sigh of relief. He doesn’t think that’s strange at all.

“He’s five. Kids his age are shy.”

Sunyoung tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

“It’s different. I’ve worked with kids for a long while to know that maybe… Maybe Xiangmin feels lonely around here.”

Lonely sounds harsh on Luhan’s ears. He loves Xiangmin and he’d never want him to feel lonely. Things are just turning out better for the both of them lately that it was impossible Xiangmin would feel this way. He has Luhan with him at all times except when he’s at school and Luhan’s at work. He stays over with his in-laws a lot too so it’s not like Luhan has ever left him all alone when he needs to leave for long periods at a time.

“I love all the kids in my class so I worry a lot about them,” Sunyoung continues. “I just want you to know what I see around here since I spend most of the week with him.”

Luhan gives her a reassuring smile.

“Thank you. But don’t worry. He’s probably adjusting to things. We just moved houses after all.”

Luhan nods and this makes Sunyoung relax a little. It’s nice to know that Xiangmin is in good hands at this place. Joohyun chose this school well.

“I don’t want to keep you any longer.” Sunyoung rises up from her chair and Luhan follows.

“No, it’s fine. I’m glad you talked to me about this. I am sorry for being late. I’ll try not to let it happen again.”

Sunyoung grabs her jacket that’s hanging by the door and shows him out. They both bid each other a goodbye and a great weekend and Luhan waves at her, watches her leave, then heads to the end of the hall so he can get to the playground.

His phone starts ringing just as he pushes the doors open. Luhan glances at the name flashing on his screen and swipes his thumb across to answer it while making his way over to Xiangmin.

“Did you get my text regarding the meeting on Monday?” Comes Minseok’s voice on the line. His friend sounds a little breathless. He must still be working at this hour, something Luhan is glad he finally got out of before it got all hectic.

Luhan lowers the phone to his gaze, taps on a few options on his screen to check on his messages and sees Minseok’s text.

“Ten o’clock on Monday,” Luhan places the phone back to his ear. He walks to where Xiangmin is. He’s on the swings and there’s someone behind him, a teacher probably, pushing lightly at his seat so he can go higher.

“Okay. I just wanted to make sure. Things over here are crazy. Yixing’s finally approved to be our sound director but we still need a lot of people to get on board with this thing.”

“We’ll find them.” Luhan replies. “We still have about a month left to finalize things.”

Minseok laughs. One of his humorless panic laughs. “A month.”

Luhan can tell his friend is trying his best not to freak out. “Would you head home already? Let the creatives deal with the set.”

“Really, now? You’re telling me to just let Baekhyun destroy everything?”

Luhan laughs. “Give the guy credit. But you know what I mean.”

“I will. In a few minutes. I just need to check on Seulgi’s wardrobe fittings.”

“Alright then. See you on Monday.” Luhan ends the call and chuckles at the amount of text messages Minseok sent him. He hasn’t checked his phone since he arrived at the school and must’ve caused his friend to panic. He wouldn’t blame him. He’s given Minseok a lot of reasons to panic over the years.

He makes his way over to where Xiangmin is, laughing and asking the teacher behind him to push him harder. At least he thought he was a teacher. From afar, Luhan thought he was part of the faculty. But up close, Luhan’s not so sure. He hasn’t seen him around campus before. He’s not even sure if there was anyone left and why someone would still stay around on a Friday afternoon.

But he looks familiar. Luhan can’t remember where he’s seen him before. Maybe he is a teacher he’s seen in passing.

“Appa!” Xiangmin shouts and the man pulls at the swing so it stops gently for him to get off. Xiangmin runs to him, backpack bouncing behind him.

The man only blinks back at him. He doesn’t look to be older than Luhan as he presumed him to be from afar. Maybe because of the height. He’s taller than Luhan and broad shouldered. He’s dressed casually in jeans and sneakers with a plaid shirt on. Dress Down Friday, Luhan guesses.

Luhan tells Xiangmin to say his goodbyes and he waves at him. The man waves back, still looking at them funny. Luhan doesn’t pay much attention to him as he hastily carries Xiangmin with him to the parking lot.

“How was school today?” Luhan asks as he straps him to the car seat he has at the back. He checks on his seatbelts twice before deeming it safe.

“We colored lots today!” Xiangmin starts, his face looking all sorts of excited. “And also played with clay. Sehun helped me.”

“That’s great, buddy. What else?”

Xiangmin recalls everything he did that day and Luhan listens intently to his son as he drives them all the way home.

 

 

 

Being a single working dad wasn’t on Luhan’s life plan. Getting married and having a kid wasn’t part of any plan. But things just happen when you’re in love and living life without a care in the world.

Not that he regrets ano of it. Falling in love. Having a son. Xiangmin means the world to him and not once has he ever regretted having him in his life. He may have arrived too soon. But he still feels blessed that Joohyun gave him a son that has been nothing but an angel to him.

Which is why what Sunyoung said had bothered Luhan a little. To know that his son is lonely. He wouldn’t want Xiangmin to ever feel that way even if Luhan had been busy lately.

Luhan emerges from the bathroom after his shower and finds Xiangmin in the middle of his bed, flipping through the pages of a storybook. It’s the start of the weekend so Xiangmin gets to sleep in his room. During the rest of the week, Luhan has him sleep in his own room so he can practice sleeping by himself. But weekends are special wherein they’re both allowed to indulge in staying up late.

“What am I reading tonight?” Luhan asks, climbing on the bed while Xiangmin scoots over so he can lie down next to him. His back aches. He just took Xiangmin to a pizza parlor and played with him in the kids section, swimming around the ball pen with him. It’s their version of a Friday night out. Xiangmin went at it like a kid with an insane sugar rush and Luhan is so exhausted that he feels like he could sleep for a week.

“The turtle story!” He exclaims. Luhan presses a finger to his lips, motioning to keep it down for their neighbors. They’re the new ones in this building who just moved completely last week and Luhan wouldn’t want to get on the bad side of the other residents. Xiangmin giggles at that and repeats what he said in a whisper.

He looks like Luhan. Everyone who has seen them both always tells him he looks like a smaller version of him. The hair color. The nose. The smile. But his eyes is all Joohyun’s and Luhan loves looking at them the most. Xiangmin is that huge reminder that Joohyun is still here with them, and it helps when he finds himself missing her.

“Alright.” Luhan tugs at the covers so they can both slip their feet in. He then turns to the first page, takes a deep breath, and then starts telling Xiangmin the story of The Tortoise and The Hare.

Luhan’s life hasn’t gone the way he wanted it from the start. And if he could go back in time and change things, he would. Just that crucial part. He’d change it so Joohyun could be here with them, listening to him tell this story beside Xiangmin.

But day by day, he’s learning. It’s hard, but Luhan is trying to see things in a different perspective. Like having the luxury of reading to his son at night and having him lie beside him with his head tilted up at him and having his full attention.

Xiangmin dozes off halfway through the story. Luhan doesn’t finish it. He places the book down on the table beside his bed and tucks him in. 

_“Maybe Xiangmin feels lonely around here.”_

Luhan brushes the hair out of his son’s eyes. It’s just the move, he assures himself. Tomorrow, they’ll head out to the park and Luhan will teach him how to ride a bike, something he had promised Xiangmin weeks ago.

He’ll make sure his son never feels “lonely” by the time the week ends.

 

 

 

Luhan downs his second coffee of the day and switches between comparing the contracts he’s holding and the calendar filled with schedules he has by his side. It’s only nine o’clock in the morning and Luhan feels like the rest of the day already happened.

He works as a producer for television drama series at SBS. Currently, he and an old friend, Kim Minseok, are co-producing in remaking a hit show from ten years ago. As producer, he doesn’t have the hectic schedules a director has when filming starts. But as producer, overseeing contracts, budgets, storyboards and sets during pre-production are what keeps him glued to his work all week long.

Minseok pops in right before ten o’clock so they can go over a few details before the meeting with the rest of the production team starts. He’s a man in his early thirties, nearly the same age as Luhan, yet doesn’t look the part. In fact, he and Luhan are always mistaken as newbies everytime they show up with a new project to produce and people don’t take them seriously until they finally see or hear their names and realize who they are.

“I have two good news and two bad news.” Minseok starts, bringing with him a thick file that Luhan knows is what they’re going to discuss throughout the meeting. “Well, they can all be good news too if you like.”

Luhan sighs. “No news is good news, Minseok.” Minseok laughs, taking a seat in front of him.

“You’re right. So why did I even bother warning you.” Minseok opens the file has. “We’re pushing the number of episodes to twenty instead of the usual sixteen.” Minseok hands him the new storyboard which they’ve been going through for the past month. They couldn’t settle on a decent ending. Even if the whole thing was a remake, Minseok and Luhan were always known to make everything fresh. They weren’t going to deviate from the original plot but they weren’t going to make everything predictable either.

“That means we’re extending everyone’s schedules and rewriting everyone’s contracts.” Luhan stares at all the papers he’s holding since that morning, deeming them useless now.

“Those were the two bad news. But the good news is that we have a story ending, finally. And filming is extended which means we won’t be doing much when it starts. And that’s a lot of free time.”

“I guess that is good news.” Luhan is already looking forward to this so called free time. They wouldn’t be entirely free. They’d still be checking the advertising process and get everything prepared for the editors when filming ends. But it’s not going to be as crazy as this and Luhan can finally get his schedule back on track. Like being able to pick up Xiangmin on time.

It wasn’t always like this. Well, it used to be like this. Probably even more crazy. And then the accident happened and Luhan needed a few years off to deal with it. It was Minseok who pulled him back on track by signing him up on this new series and Luhan is nervous and anxious about this project that he’s trying his best not to screw it up. He’s out of practice though which leads to all his personal and work schedules all jumbled up.

“We better go.” Luhan says, standing up from his seat when he sees that it’s almost time for their meeting.

“I hope Baekhyun doesn’t have any more crazy set designs for us.” Minseok sighs. Luhan laughs at that.

The meeting goes on for the whole day that they only break for lunch and then come back again to decide on a few more things. This is familiar territory to Luhan and he relaxes, not even realizing he was tense the whole time since that morning. He’s not sure what’s bothering him. It’s like there’s something looming above his head that he can’t shake off. But he does forget about it when they talk about schedules and date releases and other things for the new drama.

Byun Baekhyun, one of their creative directors in charge of the sets, have given them exactly what they dreaded. But instead of making him do a revision, everyone ended up liking it. Even Minseok was surprised that it fit the theme so well that the set designs were resolved fast. Luhan nudges Minseok under the table, giving him a look that said “I told you to give the guy credit”. Minseok just rolls his eyes at that but laughs and nods his head in agreement.

Luhan has to text his usual babysitter if he can pick up Xiangmin for him today since he doesn’t think he can make it in time. They still have to discuss a few more things. Thankfully Jongdae replies how he’ll be able to do it since he gets off from his university at the same time and will bring Xiangmin over. 

Hours later, they all finally manage to smooth out everything. The only things left to deal with are the ones Luhan can handle on his own. Luhan and Minseok thank the team for their hard work before bidding them all a good bye. Minseok, Baekhyun and Seulgi, their wardrobe coordinator and costume designer, invite him for dinner as they leave but Luhan declines, saying that he has Xiangmin waiting for him back at his office.

“I don’t mind a kiddie meal for dinner.” Baekhyun says beside him as they walk to their respective offices. He flashes a smile at a group of interns passing by and Minseok smacks him lightly at the back of his head. Seulgi smirks at that.

“Xiangmin has school tomorrow. Oppa can’t take him out too late on a weekday.” Seulgi explains.

“We’ll all leave by seven then.”

“Baekhyun, it’s already seven.” Minseok says.

“Oh.”

Luhan lets his friends do all the talking on the way back, only to interrupt them when it’s his stop. His friends pop in his office just to say hi to Xiangmin, but they all end up staying when they see Jongdae on the couch with him. Xiangmin is playing with Jongdae’s hair, putting paper clips all over him. Luhan has to stifle a laugh when he sees how ridiculous he looks.

“Look! Look!” Xiangmin exclaims as they all enter, motioning at the masterpiece he made.

“Yes, Jongdae oppa looks very pretty.” Seulgi compliments. Jongdae bats his eyes at them causing Xiangmin to giggle.

They all say their goodbyes with Minseok making sure that they’re still up for their usual Thursday night dinner. Jongdae leaves with them, Baekhyun having conned him and Seulgi into treating him to dinner.

Xiangmin waves as the door closes behind all of them.

“Bye Sehun!” He exclaims.

“Sehun?” Luhan comes over to sit down next to him and help him with his shoelaces so they can leave too. “He’s here again?”

“Yeah. But he just left too.”

Luhan smiles, amused at his son’s imagination. He ruffles his hair, picks up their bags and Xiangmin takes his hand as they both head home.

 

 

 

He was twenty-five when he got married. Her name was Bae Joohyun. She was a freelance makeup artist and a really good one at that. Luhan would know. She covered up his black eye perfectly.

It was after filming and she was getting inside her car. It was late at night and someone tried to mug her. Joohyun was so stunned but had put up a fight, wrestling her car keys and purse away from her assailant.

It was Luhan who saw them as he was heading to his own car and helped her out. They had managed to get the mugger, Luhan earning a few punches to the gut and his face. And after everything was settled with the police, after apologizing to Luhan for getting him involved, Joohyun asked if he would like her to fix his black eye up for him.

That was pretty much the start of Luhan falling in love with her. Joohyun wasn't just pretty. She was bright. Everywhere she went, it's like she carried the sun with her and Luhan was just so attracted to the warmth she carried.

It was so easy to fall in love with her. She loved horror movies which had inspired her to become a makeup artist. She loved spicy things, dragging Luhan around the city with her after work in search of the best spicy rice cakes. She loved dancing and singing and she and Luhan would constantly crash at Yixing's studio to record a few songs with him, to which Yixing happily obliged since it’s not everyday he has friends that are willing to sing the songs he wrote. She loved Luhan, and Luhan had felt like the sun had bathed him in such a warm glow that a year later, Luhan proposed and Joohyun said yes, laughing as Luhan kissed her and twirled her around the middle of the restaurant while their friends and family happily cheered them on.

Luhan believed in good things. He believed that when he and Minseok found their big break in producing television series shortly after. He believed that when Joohyun was hired as an exclusive make up artist for a big broadcasting company. He believed that when Joohyun showed him a stick with two lines on it just after a year they were married. He believed that when they were given a healthy baby boy nine months after and they named him Xiangmin in honor of Luhan’s mother’s wishes.

Luhan believed in good things. Until the accident happened.

One minute he was the happiest man in the world. The next, he was a single parent with a one year old son. He didn’t know what to do. He felt stuck, like life just suddenly stopped for him and it felt like nothing was moving anymore. Everything just suddenly felt grim and hopeless. It’s like when Joohyun left, the sun left with her too and Luhan hadn’t known how to see things clearly and live again.

Being a single working dad really wasn’t on Luhan’s life plan. He rushed into things so fast. He fell in love so fast, got married and had a kid so fast, that he had no back up plan to the kind of life left for him and his son. He and Xiangmin moved in with Joohyun’s parents since Luhan’s family lived abroad. Luhan had to leave Minseok on a project mid-production since he couldn’t cope with the loss, take care of a kid and work at the same time. Xiangmin grew up never knowing who his mother was since he can’t even remember her and Luhan never talked to him about her.

It changed Luhan’s life. He couldn’t function properly. It took awhile for him to get back on his feet. It was Xiangmin who reminded him he can live again. He grew up each year looking like Luhan but with his eyes like Joohyun’s and that was all Luhan could think of. That somehow, there was still Joohyun’s brightness in there. He still had the sun in the form of Xiangmin.

It was Minseok who helped him out along with his friends, Yixing, Seulgi and Baekhyun. They signed him up on a new project, got him to find a place away from his in-laws and followed through the rest of what Luhan and Joohyun had planned for Xiangmin’s future. A huge chunk of him died inside when Joohyun left. But he wasn’t going to let his son feel that. He was going to make his son’s life worth living even if he felt like his own had no hope.

Xiangmin grew up just like how Luhan wanted him to. He gave him no trouble at all and was the perfect son. One of the things Xiangmin loved doing was to be silly. At first, Luhan thinks it’s just because he’s a kid and has the wildest imagination. But he’s come to accept this silliness his son has. Whenever Xiangmin wants to play and imagine the most ridiculous stuff, Luhan plays along with him. If it’s pretending to be a turtle while they go swimming or imagining they’re under a dark cave underneath their blankets at night, Luhan encourages all of it. The silliness. The ridiculous bedtime stories. Even Sehun, the imaginary friend Xiangmin has had since he was four and was always there playing with him.

It helps with the loss. It helps that his son doesn’t know sadness and losing a mother. It helps when Luhan thinks about Joohyun and her smile and the way she loved to sing and dance. Because in those moments of silliness, Luhan forgets about the pain of losing a loved one and pretends that everything is alright.

 

 

 

Friday comes around once again and as usual, the afternoon traffic slows him down. It isn’t worse than last week’s traffic where it took him an hour to get there. This time, he’s only twenty minutes late and Xiangmin is sitting outside his classroom with a teacher beside him and a couple of students running around the hallway when he arrives.

“Xiangmin?” Luhan calls out. Xiangmin looks up from where he was tying his shoelaces. It felt like Luhan hasn’t seen him in days. Jongdae has been babysitting him for the first half of the week, picking him up and bringing him home. Luhan is only able to catch him asleep at night when he arrives and then hastily bringing him to school in the mornings. The second half of the week, Xiangmin stayed with Joohyun’s mother. Jongdae couldn’t watch over him due to academic projects and Luhan was still swamped with production meetings that he couldn’t get out of them on time. So he had no choice but to leave him with his in-laws. The only times he’s talked to his son is when he calls him at night before he has to go to bed and when he’s able to speak with Joohyun’s mother briefly. It feels like he’s been away for a long while that relief washes over him when he sees him. He isn’t greeted with the usual bright smile though and that sends a pang of guilt in Luhan’s chest.

“You came.” Xiangmin murmurs and Luhan crouches down to meet his eyes. He sounded like he didn’t believe him over the phone when he said he’d pick him up.

“Of course I did. I promised, didn’t I?” Luhan searches his son’s eyes and finds a small smile. Xiangmin nods and then throws his arms around Luhan’s neck.

“I’m sorry, buddy. It was work. You know how that is.” Luhan breathes, closing his eyes as he takes in the feel of his son wrapped around him. It was a lame excuse and he really feels sorry about it.

“I know. You were very busy.” Xiangmin pulls away and then looks at Luhan. “But you’re not busy anymore, right?”

“Nope,” Luhan replies. “What say you and I get some pizza for dinner?”

Luhan watches in relief as Xiangmin’s face brightens up.

“Can Sehun come? Can we get the ones with no vegetables?”

Luhan makes a face. “But I like the ones with vegetables.”

“Appa!”

Luhan laughs. “Yes, Sehun can come and we can get the one you like.”

Xiangmin jumps and then breaks away from Luhan to head into one of the cubicles to get his backpack.

Luhan knows there are a lot of things he has to make up for. He did promise Xiangmin things won’t be so hectic once they moved. That there will be more bike lessons and maybe even a trip with just the two of them. The new project came as a surprise from Minseok. A blessing. A distraction. He just has to finish this new project he’s working on and then he’ll take a break. Not for himself but for both his and his son’s sake.

Luhan turns to the teacher sitting beside Xiangmin earlier to greet him. To his surprise, he finds a familiar face. It had been the same guy Xiangmin was playing with a week ago on the playground. The one who was pushing Xiangmin on the swings. He’s dressed in the same thing Luhan saw him in last week. He doesn’t have his attention on Luhan so he hadn’t seen the look of surprise on his face. Instead, he’s looking over at Xiangmin who’s putting on his back pack.

“Excuse me,” Luhan starts. The man doesn’t seem to hear him and this has Luhan speak up louder until the man sort of stiffens and then looks at Luhan slowly. He has the the same look he had on his face when Luhan greeted him a week ago. Like he’s sort of surprised to be acknowledged. And again, up close, Luhan feels like he’s seen him before, way before than that time in the playground.

“I saw you last week. You were playing with my son.” Luhan watches as the man continues to look back at him in what Luhan could only describe as disbelief.

“Are you one of his teachers?” Luhan asks. The man doesn’t give him a reply at first. He starts looking around, as if wondering if Luhan was talking to someone else other than him.

“Me?” He finally says. His voice sounded high pitched, completely taken aback that Luhan was talking to him.

“Yes. You were with my son. On the swings?”

The man continues to look at him wide eyed and it takes awhile for him to answer.

“You must be mistaken.”

Luhan doesn’t think so. He’s sure this was the same person on the playground and one that Xiangmin even waved goodbye to.

“No, we met. Last week. You were-”

“I’m ready!” Xiangmin shouting has Luhan turn to him. He’s grinning and reaching for Luhan’s hand, backpack strapped on and shoe laces tied. Luhan smiles back and then turns to talk to the man again when he finds the spot he had been sitting on empty.

Luhan glances around the hallways but he finds it filled with students. Not a tall figure is in sight and Luhan blinks, wondering what just happened.

“Appa?”

Xiangmin is tugging on the edges of his shirt causing Luhan to look at him.

“Come on!” Xiangmin exclaims excitedly, bouncing on his heels.

Luhan glances around him one more time. He’s confused and a little disoriented. But with Xiangmin continuing to tug on his shirt, Luhan finally budges from his spot, tearing his gaze away from where the man he had been talking to seemed to just disappear.

 

 

 

Saturdays are usually free days for Luhan. He and Xiangmin usually do the laundry together, then head over to visit his in-laws, do a little grocery shopping, and then make up the plans as they go along. Sometimes they head to the park. Sometimes they chill at home. Weekends are free days for Luhan as part of the contract Minseok wrote for him when he got him to sign up on a new project. It’s so that he can spend enough time with Xiangmin and to take things easy.

But early the next day, Luhan is awakened by Minseok calling him on his phone if he could attend a short meeting with the rest of the board.

“It’ll only take about an hour.” Minseok says to a groggy Luhan who had slept late.

“I don’t know where to leave Xiangmin.” Luhan looks over at his son who’s still fast asleep by his side. “I can’t call Jongdae this early and I can’t drop him off at Joohyun’s parents without notice.”

“Bring him to work. I’ll have one of the interns look after him.”

He’s so out of it that it takes him awhile to gather his bearings. He rushes to the bathroom to change and brush his teeth. He packs up a quick breakfast, some left over rice rolls and then head to Xiangmin’s closet to get his son’s change of clothes.

“Xiangmin,” Luhan nudges his son awake. “Xiangmin, wake up.” But Xiangmin doesn’t even budge, probably still too tired from playing at the pizza parlor last night. Luhan has no choice but to dress his son while he’s still asleep and pack him a bunch of coloring books and crayons in his bag so he has something to do in his office.

Xiangmin finally wakes up just when Luhan has his socks ready.

“Appa?” He asks groggily.

“Hey,” Luhan says, helping him up. “I’m sorry for waking you up so early, buddy. But you can sleep on the car on the ride to the office.”

Xiangmin rubs his eyes and yawns. “Office? But it’s Saturday.”

“I know. But it’ll be quick. Appa just needs to go to this meeting and then we can come back here or do whatever you want right after, all right?”

There’s a small pout on Xiangmin’s face at that. “But it’s Saturday.” He says again, voice still heavy with sleep. But there’s no denying the disappointment behind it either.

“I know. And I’m really sorry.” Luhan apologizes, finally getting both socks on. “But it won’t take long. Can you stand? I need you to brush your teeth and get your jacket while I get the elevator up here.”

There’s a droop to his shoulders that Luhan hopes is just the aftermath of sleep still in Xiangmin’s bones. Luhan dashes outside, slipping on his own shoes and then pressing for the elevator button before heading back in again.

“Xiangmin?” Luhan calls, grabbing both their bags and Xiangmin’s shoes. “Are you ready?”

There’s no reply and Luhan drops the bags again along with his son’s shoes, slips off his own and heads for Xiangmin’s bedroom. He’s not sure whether his son decided to go back to sleep again and he hopes he hadn’t. It would be difficult to open the door to his car if he’s carrying both their bags and a kid in his arms.

“Xiangmin?” Luhan knocks on his door before opening it. He twists on the doorknob and enters, but stops in his tracks when on the bed, sitting next to Xiangmin who’s putting on his jacket, is someone with a familiar face.

“What the-” Luhan’s eyes widen as both Xiangmin and the man turn to him. The man, the very same man who he saw on the swings, the one who disappeared on him yesterday, is in his son’s bedroom, sitting in his son’s bed, dressed in the very same clothes Luhan saw him in, and looking at Luhan in the exact same expression he’s given him before. But this time, Luhan doesn’t care that he’s surprised. Luhan doesn’t care except that there is a stranger in his son’s bedroom.

Luhan rushes inside and picks up a startled Xiangmin in his arms. The man stands and raises both hands to Luhan in a sort of surrender while Luhan backs away from him.

“You have thirty seconds to get the hell out of my house or I will call security,” Luhan says in a rush. He can feel his heart beating frantically and he’s not sure if it’s in fear or in rage. He’ll call security either way. He’s not even sure how a lunatic got inside his home. It doesn’t matter if this was someone from Xiangmin’s school. Someone is in his home, someone that he hadn’t let in. Luhan holds Xiangmin close and tries not to think about what this man could’ve done to him if he hadn’t arrived sooner.

“Wait,” The man steps forward but Luhan takes another step back.

“Who are you? How did you get in here?” Luhan demands.

“Appa,” Xiangmin starts but Luhan cups the back of his head so he can bury his face in his neck and not look at what’s happening around him.

“Why are you hanging around my son?” Luhan continues. He can feel the rage inside him continuing to boil, taking over the fear. Maybe he’s not really from his son’s school. Maybe he’s some sort of pedophile Luhan saw on TV and that’s why he looks so familiar. Dread settles in his stomach at the thought of Xiangmin being around this man. 

“Woah,” The man says, blinking at him. “You can see me?”

Great, Luhan thinks. Not only does he have a pervert in his house but a possible drug addict too. Luhan steps out of Xiangmin’s bedroom to get out of there and call the cops on the way. He’s aware that he’s late to a very important meeting but that isn’t as important as the crazy in his apartment and Xiangmin’s safety.

Luhan turns and heads to the front door when the man is suddenly there blocking it. Luhan blinks back in surprise, wondering how he got there so fast when he realizes that they’re trapped.

“Wait,” The man says again, still raising his hands up. “Please, let me explain.”

Luhan looks around for anything he can use against him. But Xiangmin is suddenly struggling in his arms.

“Xiangmin, what are you doing-”

“Appa, he’s a friend!”

Xiangmin has his head raised now and Luhan looks at his son’s wide eyed expression and then at the man standing by the door.

“You know this person?” Luhan asks.

Xiangmin nods at that. “He’s a friend.” He says again.

Luhan looks back at the man who is also looking at the both of them warily. As if he’s more afraid of them than he is.

“Xiangmin’s right,” The man says. “I didn’t mean to scare you. But I am a friend.”

The phone in his pocket starts vibrating, interrupting the moment. It takes Luhan a while to answer, still judging if the man is going to do anything. It’s strange how it feels like they’re both sizing each other up. The man keeps on staring at him, as if any sudden movements from Luhan is dangerous. Shouldn’t Luhan be the one that’s scared here and not the other way around?

Luhan balances Xiangmin in his other arm when he finally decides on answering the call. This could be his form of defense. If the man tries anything rash, at least Luhan can shout for help at whoever it is on the other end of the line.

 _“Where are you?”_ Comes Minseok’s voice. _“The meeting is in fifteen minutes.”_

Luhan eyes the man that had lowered his hands now but is still staring at him. He’s tall and quite lanky that Luhan has to tip his head up a little to fully look at him. He also has sharp facial features that Luhan can’t tell how old he is exactly.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m on my way. I just got caught up with something.” Luhan explains. 

_“Alright. I’ll meet you outside the conference room.”_

Minseok ends the call before Luhan can say anything else. There goes his defense. He braves a step forward towards the door the moment he sees the man stepping away from it.

“Look, I don’t know who you are or how you know my son. But I’d appreciate it if you stepped out of my house and never come back.”

“Appa, no!” Xiangmin suddenly exclaims. “Sehun’s my friend!”

Sehun? 

Luhan frowns at this. Sehun is Xiangmin’s imaginary friend. Sehun doesn’t exist. Surely this man coincidentally has the name Sehun too or knows this bit of information from his son and used this against him.

Thankfully, the man complies easily, opening the door and letting himself out. Luhan follows, slipping his shoes on and picking up all their belongings, all the while never leaving his gaze away from the intruder. He makes sure to lock the front door and then side steps away from the man before getting to the elevators.

“I apologize for scaring you. But I’d really like to explain.” The man says.

The elevator is still on his floor and Luhan motions for the man to get in.

“No, thank you. Just please, leave before I really call the cops.”

“No! Sehun, don’t go!” Xiangmin wails. He leans out of Luhan’s grasp, both arms stretched towards the man, reaching for him.

“Xiangmin!” Luhan snaps at him for that. Xiangmin looks at him, mouth quivering, until he breaks out into a silent sob.

“Oh great,” Luhan mutters then glares at Sehun. “Just please leave.”

There’s a crease in the man’s brow as he looks at Xiangmin. But he doesn’t say anything else. Luhan watches as he finally gets inside the elevator. He doesn’t leave until he sees the doors close and Luhan watches as it reaches the ground floor before he punches the button again for the elevator to pick them back up.

The adrenaline from seeing a stranger in his home simmers inside Luhan. But he’s also quite preoccupied with a crying child in his arms. Luhan has never dealt with Xiangmin like this before. His son is usually reasonable and never cries unless he falls hard or wounds himself. His son is not a brat but right now, with him wailing at Sehun to come back, he seems like he is and Luhan is just annoyed and concerned that his son is acting like this.

Luhan carries a wailing Xiangmin as they head down. He leaves a message to the people at the reception area to report a man that looks exactly like the intruder in his home. Luhan gives them a description of him, the clothes he wore, his hair color and his possible height. He’ll have to call security later today after the meeting and have them check on the cameras. He then leaves for the parking lot with Xiangmin still crying in his arms.

“You’re going to stop crying by the time we get to the office. Do you hear me?” Luhan tells him as he drives. He hates putting on this tone for him. Xiangmin’s sobs have died down at that but Luhan can hear him hiccuping all the way to the studio where he works.

Luhan rushes to his floor with Xiangmin finally silent when they arrive. An intern is already there like Minseok promised and Luhan lets her take Xiangmin from him. Luhan reluctantly leaves him, ignoring his red and puffy eyes from all the crying and heads to the conference room.

Minseok is already there, pacing with his phone in his hand. He looks relieved to see him when he finally arrives.

“What’s going on?” Luhan asks.

“Copyright issues. You’d think remaking an old drama would be easy.” Minseok leads him inside the room.

“That’s ridiculous. We already settled this.”

Minseok nods. “I know. Don’t worry. The board’s here to back us up.”

Everyone is already there when he arrives and he apologizes sincerely at them for making them wait. He’s embarrassed to have them wait on him. Minseok shoots him a concerned look right when he sits next to him but Luhan pats his hand under the table to let him know he’s fine.

He doesn’t get to relax even when the meeting starts. It’s a more serious discussion than the usual meetings they have where they’re faced with people in a more formal setting. This meeting is stiff. It’s filled with old men and women in suits that care more about money than having fun in filmmaking. One of the old writers of the drama they’re remaking brought up a few copyright issues and the board wants for Minseok and Luhan to settle this before filming starts.

It’s a serious discussion, but Luhan is distracted. He tries to listen. But all he can think about is Xiangmin. He hates that he made him cry and that he got angry at him. He and his son’s personalities always met with ease and not once have they ever argued that led Luhan to yell at him. He sits there in that meeting, feeling extremely guilty at what he did.

He also can’t stop thinking about the stranger in his home. That man. How he got in. He’s sure the front door was locked and that the windows outside Xiangmin’s room wasn’t easily accessible since they live on the tenth floor. The man sounded crazy too, looking at him all surprised and scared and saying out loud how Luhan is able to see him. A lunatic, Luhan thinks. Luhan shudders to think what could’ve happened if he hadn’t went back to fetch Xiangmin.

The meeting lasts for an hour. Luhan manages to grasp some of the stuff that were discussed but he’s too out of it to really focus. He should’ve. This is his first production ever since he got back and he shouldn’t be so distracted so as not to mess it up. So he asks for a detailed report of the minutes to be sent to his office so he can go through them when he isn’t so freaked out by that morning’s events anymore.

Luhan is pulled to the side when it’s over by Minseok who has a worried look on his face. 

“I’m fine,” Luhan explains. He wasn’t as composed as he thought he was that Minseok would see right through him. “I just got held up at home, that’s all.”

“Okay. I just want to be sure.” 

Luhan can understand why Minseok is looking at him like he’s wary of things. He had dropped him once on an important project back then when things were so difficult for him. They’ve dropped the matter but Luhan knows how this looks like that time Luhan was about to bail on him.

He’s just distracted, that’s all. He can tell Minseok what happened at his apartment that morning. But he doesn’t want to worry anyone at the moment.

“You said you brought Xiangmin with you?” Minseok asks.

“Yeah, he’s with Yerim.”

“I’ll drop by your office after I give the lawyers a copy of this morning’s meeting. All three of us can have lunch together.”

Xiangmin is on the couch in his office when Luhan arrives. He’s watching some kind of children’s video on his office laptop while Yerim is on one side of the room, attending to a phone call. Luhan is relieved that the puffiness in his son’s eyes are no longer there when he makes his way closer.

“Sir,” Yerim looks up as he arrives. “The CGI team wants to know when they can see you and Mr. Kim for the effects demos?”

Luhan looks at Xiangmin, still busy with whatever he’s watching and then back at Yerim.

“Monday. It can wait till Monday.”

Yerim smiles and relays the information.

Luhan thanks her for looking after Xiangmin once she’s done on the phone. Yerim leaves after that and it’s just the two of them alone. Xiangmin isn’t looking at him. He’s sitting on the farthest end of the couch, the show he’s watching filling the background from being silent. Luhan comes up to him and then sits by his side, nudging him with his knee.

Xiangmin looks up at him and Luhan motions to the laptop.

“Can we talk?”

Xiangmin reaches over to pause the video he’s watching. Yerim must have taught him how to do it since Luhan rarely lets him use the laptop at home.

“I’m sorry,” Luhan starts when he finally has Xiangmin’s full attention on him “For earlier. I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”

Xiangmin nods, dropping his gaze to his lap. He’s not entirely forgiven, Luhan knows that. But it’s better than earlier.

“Appa was just worried.” He tries to explain. “There was a stranger in the house and you know how many times I told you about talking to strangers-”

“Sehun is not a stranger.” Xiangmin speaks up, looking at him. Luhan is surprised to find such firm determination in his eyes as he said this.

“He’s a friend.” Xiangmin continues and then looks back at his lap where he’s started playing with the edges of his shirt.

A friend. How can that man be a friend when he hasn’t even seen this guy around? And for him to be named after someone that doesn’t exist?

“Min-ah, did you let him in this morning?” Luhan asks. This part is still bothering him. It was impossible that he could have. Luhan was already by the door and Xiangmin had just woken up. He couldn’t have been in two places at once.

“No.” Xiangmin answers. Luhan is relieved to hear this. “I didn’t have to. Sehun’s just like that. He’s everywhere.”

Luhan blinks back at his son. This was not very reassuring to hear. He’s aware his son can be silly at times. But this was alarming and Luhan carefully tips Xiangmin’s face to him so he can look into his eyes as he says this.

“Min-ah, what do you mean by that?”

“Sehun is a friend. He’s around all the time.”

“Where?”

“At home. At school.” Xiangmin shrugs. “He doesn’t have work so he’s not busy.”

That last part was for him. Luhan can tell. If this was a regular conversation, Luhan would feel bad about this. But this was not the issue right now.

“Xiangmin,” Luhan says slowly. “Appa can’t understand some of the things you’re saying. You have to explain to me who this person is.”

“Would you like to talk to him?”

Luhan swears there’s nothing but innocence in his son’s eyes with the way Xiangmin is looking at him.

“I-” Luhan is taken aback by that. “What, like, right now?”

Xiangmin nods and then points a finger in front of them. Luhan looks up and he nearly faints at the sight of the stranger, the same familiar man that had been in their house uninvited, standing in front of them like he did this morning in his usual jeans and sneakers and his boring plaid shirt like he’s been there the whole time.

 

 

 

Living with Xiangmin for years has Luhan become attuned to all the silly things he’s done. He can sit at their dinner table with Xiangmin going on and on about his wild imagination and Luhan wouldn’t spare him a second glance. He’s used to Xiangmin talking about strange things. But to see such a thing happening in front of him is different.

Luhan is immediately on his feet as he stands in front of his son so fast. He has no idea why this man is here or how he could’ve gotten inside his office when the door had been closed all this time.

“I’m not a threat,” The man immediately says, putting his hands up in a surrender.

“How did you get in here?” Luhan only asks. “I swear if you’ve done anything to my son-”

“This is so strange,” The man murmurs. It sounded more like he was talking to himself. Luhan is confused by his reply.

“What?”

“This is so strange,” The man says again, motioning around them.

Strange? Luhan is in front of a man who just appeared to have, well, _appeared_ out of thin air inside his office and said man has found this strange.

“Sehun-ah!” Xiangmin shouts from behind him. Luhan turns to see the light in his son’s eyes have come back and something tugs at his heart to find that this stranger is the cause of it. 

Xiangmin stands and starts jumping on the couch. “Play with me!”

The man looks at Xiangmin and smiles. It’s weird, Luhan thinks, but somehow, he doesn’t look like a threat as his sharp features soften. He still makes Luhan feel uncomfortable, but it’s different now than this morning. Luhan no longer feels threatened. He’s still alarmed but it’s confusion that’s taken over now too.

“I’d like to talk to your appa first. Is that okay?” He asks. The man had lowered his voice in a more gentle tone for his son.

Xiangmin pouts. “Okay.” He then jumps off the couch to grab his backpack and takes out the crayons and coloring book Luhan packed for him earlier, and heads back to sit and start working on them.

Luhan is puzzled at this seemingly normal exchange and then looks at the man again.

“You might want to sit down.” He advises. Luhan doesn’t. He stays still, standing in front of Xiangmin. The man smiles softly again and it’s really strange how this man looks less intimidating when he smiles like that.

“Hurting Xiangmin isn’t something I’m capable of doing.” He says, as if reading into Luhan’s thoughts. Luhan doesn’t believe him. Why would he when he’s just no one but a stranger to him? But he does move back just so he can have Xiangmin beside him and where he can keep an eye on him.

“Who are you?” Luhan asks.

“I’m Sehun. I’m your son’s friend.” He explains.

Luhan finds this crazy.

“If you think this is a joke,” Luhan starts when the man shakes his head.

“I know how that sounds. But I’m really your son’s friend.”

“Since when?” Luhan tries to remember ever seeing him before the time on the playground and that afternoon outside his son’s classroom, but he can’t remember anything. He’s still familiar to him. Everything about him makes Luhan feel like he’s known him before. But he’s not sure where or how.

“Awhile,” The stranger answers. He takes a seat opposite from him, his long legs make him bend a little, resting his elbows on his thighs so he doesn’t have to look so tall. “A couple of years ago.”

Luhan can’t remember ever seeing him at all. But a couple of years ago had been so long. So many things happened since then so Luhan can’t be sure.

“How are you doing all this? Appearing everywhere.” Luhan motions to him in his office. “Like what you did this morning.”

This time, the man looks a little hesitant to answer.

“You better answer that. And don’t lie to me.” Luhan says, hoping to sound threatening. “I already reported you to my building’s reception.”

“I won’t. I’m just trying to see how I can explain this better without freaking you out.” 

This time, Luhan let’s out a laugh. “Right. Like everything that happened this morning wasn’t enough to freak me out? I doubt what you’re going to say is going to be so shocking.”

It’s true. He’s already freaked. What else can he possibly say that’s going to make him more freaked out.

The stranger nods, then afterwards, after taking a deep breath, asks, “Have you ever heard of angels then?”

“What, are you one?” Luhan snorts, but he does scan the area behind him for any wings. _Fuck,_ Luhan thinks. He’s really starting to lose his mind here.

“No,” The man replies. He doesn’t seem offended. “I’m not. But the concept is sort of the same thing.”

The confusion Luhan feels doesn’t change one bit.

“So, you’re dead?”

“Appa,” Xiangmin looks up from his coloring book to look at him. “That’s mean.”

Luhan just ushers him back to his crayons then faces the stranger again. “Would you stop being so cryptic then?”

The man is about to continue when there’s a knock on their door, interrupting them. They all turn to see who it is when Minseok pokes his head in.

“Minseok hyung!” Xiangmin exclaims, clambering off the couch and running straight into Minseok’s legs.

“Hey my little string bean!” Minseok hoists him up. Xiangmin laughs.

“I’m not a string bean!”

“Yes you are. Just like your father over there.” Minseok snickers at Luhan. “You guys want to grab lunch? I doubt you two ate breakfast.”

“Hamburgers!” Xiangmin exclaims.

“No fast food, Xiangmin. You already had pizza last night.” Luhan says and then remembers there’s someone else in the room with them.

“Oh, Minseok. This is,” Luhan stops, wondering what name to use when he finally settles on the one he introduced himself earlier for now. “This is Sehun. Sehun, Minseok.”

It’s insane to be using that name on a person that he and Xiangmin are used to calling his son’s imaginary friend. It has Luhan cringing at that, hoping Minseok doesn’t remember ever hearing that name from Xiangmin in passing and knowing it’s a name they just thought of, else his friend thinks he’s truly becoming insane.

Sehun looks at Minseok but doesn’t say anything. Minseok does the same thing, looking at the direction Luhan just motioned to where Sehun was sitting, and then looks back at Luhan.

“Who?” Minseok asks.

“Xiangmin’s friend,” Luhan explains. “From school. Right?” Luhan turns to Sehun to ask. At least, that’s where he hopes he came from.

Minseok just stares at him with Xiangmin in his arms playing with his hair. “Dude, are you alright?”

“Yeah, why?” Luhan asks.

Minseok looks over at Sehun’s direction and then back at Luhan again. “Who are you talking to?”

“Him. Sehun.” Luhan turns to Sehun when he sees him holding up a hand for him to be quiet. Luhan stops and stares at him.

“Now this isn’t strange at all.” Sehun says.

“What?” Luhan asks.

“What?” Minseok asks back. Luhan turns to his friend by the door, a migraine starting to form in his head.

“Your friend can’t see me,” Sehun says out loud that Minseok is sure to hear. But Minseok doesn’t look like he noticed. Something cold travels down Luhan’s spine at all this. “Tell him you were joking. That this is a game you and Xiangmin are playing.”

Luhan can feel his heart beating against his chest.

“What are you?” He breathes. He can’t seem to find his voice.

“Luhan? Are you alright?” Minseok asks.

Luhan is on the verge of freaking out when Sehun comes up to him and touches his arm. He’s real. He can feel his touch just like how any other person would touch him. Albeit cold, but Sehun’s touch is real enough that Luhan knows he’s in the room.

“Tell him what I just told you,” Sehun presses. “Don’t freak out. You’ll scare him and Xiangmin. Tell him you just need to send out a few emails and then join him for lunch downstairs. Tell him he and Xiangmin should go and find the three of you a table.”

Luhan tries his best to breathe. Minseok is still looking at him, waiting for his reply.

“Luhan,” Sehun says, making him look at him in the eye. He has a very pale complexion. There’s a mole on the side of his neck and on his cheek. His eyebrows are pulled down together in a concerned look. How is Minseok not seeing what he’s seeing?

“Luhan, I promise to answer your questions but you have to promise me not to freak out.” Sehun says.

“It’s… It’s a joke. I…” Luhan tears his gaze away from Sehun and looks at Xiangmin who’s still playing with Minseok’s hair, oblivious to what’s going on around them. “It’s a game Xiangmin and I were playing.”

He doesn’t know why he’s following Sehun’s instructions. He should just yell at Minseok for help because he’s either still asleep or this man must be some sort of illusionist and he’s starting to scare the shit out of him.

“Oh,” Minseok shuffles Xiangmin to his other arm. “You could’ve just said so.”

Luhan clears his throat. “I’ll join you guys in a minute. I just have to send out a few emails. Find us a table?”

Minseok gives him a thumbs up and without another word, carries Xiangmin out of there and closing the door behind him.

As soon as they’re alone, Luhan backs away from Sehun, stumbling on his feet as he lands on the couch.

 _“What the fuck?”_ Luhan says out loud, pointing an accusatory finger at Sehun. He doesn’t know what he’s accusing him of but he’s just panicking from being so confused and freaked out. Thankfully, Sehun doesn’t come any closer and even steps away from him, giving him space.

“Okay that,” Sehun motions to the door. “That was normal. This isn’t.”

 _“This isn’t?”_ Luhan hears his own voice go a notch higher.

“You were supposed to be Minseok.” Sehun insists.

“What do you mean?” Luhan feels like the room is spinning. “That I wasn’t supposed to see you?”

“Yes!” Sehun exclaims. He looks just as confused as Luhan is at the moment, which is not supposed to be happening. If there’s anyone who should be feeling this way, it should be Luhan and not this… Whatever this guy is.

“Okay,” Luhan breathes, gathering his bearings. He’s glad he’s sitting down now. “You’re not allowed to freak out. So why don’t you cut all the bullshit and just tell me what all this is.”

Sehun nods. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just… I have a lot on my plate right now.”

Luhan just looks at him. “Really?”

Sehun must have found the look of sarcasm on his face funny for he gives off a chuckle. It’s crazy how much he looks different, harmless, when he does that. When he smiles and laughs.

“Sorry. Right, please, stay where you are. It’s best if you stay seated.”

Luhan does so, trying to be calm about all of this. He wonders if what’s happening at the moment is real. It really feels like he’s still asleep and dreaming. Luhan considers this. Maybe he is.

“Start talking,” Luhan demands. “And don’t stop unless you’ve answered all my questions.”

“I’m not sure I’d be able to answer them all-” Luhan just raises an eye at him and Sehun nods. “Right. Okay. What do you want to know?”

Everything, Luhan wants to say. But he starts with a “Who are you?” and then points at him again. “And don’t say ‘I’m Xiangmin’s friend all over again. I need the real deal.”

“But I am his friend,” Sehun insists. “His imaginary friend to be exact.”

Imaginary friend. Luhan’s head throbs. There are a thousand follow up questions to this answer that’s brewing in Luhan’s head right now so it takes him a while to pick.

“So… you exist?” Luhan asks.

“When needed. But only to Xiangmin,” Sehun explains. “That’s why your friend, Minseok, can’t see me.”

“But I can see you.”

“That,” Sehun says, “I’m still trying to figure out that part and why.”

Luhan somewhat feels a bit better at this. That he isn’t the only one confused with what’s going on. Although this doesn’t help his cause, he’s just glad Sehun isn’t as all-knowing as he thought he was.

“We do have an imaginary friend,” Luhan says then cringes. “Well, we pretend he’s one. We named him Sehun.”

“I know. That’s me.”

Luhan’s migraine only worsens.

“This isn’t right. Sehun doesn’t exist. You… You’re right here.”

“Imaginary friends exist all over the world. You can’t see them because, like I said, we only exist to children who need us. We’ve been around for so long. Probably thousands of years-”

“Wait,” Luhan holds a hand up. “You said you exist because my son needed you. For what?”

Sehun opens his mouth to answer but only to close them back again. He looks so real. Luhan rakes his eyes up and down his body. He looks just like an ordinary person. He doesn’t look like a figment of anyone’s imagination.

And those eyes. Luhan’s head hurts trying to recall where he’s seen them before or why everything about this guy seems familiar to him.

“I’m not sure you’d like to hear that part.” Sehun says.

“Oh I do. I think I have a right to know anything that concerns my son.” Luhan argues.

“Alright then,” Sehun resigns. He then takes in another deep breath. “Imaginary friends are called to exist to children when they need someone with them. The most common reason is that they need a playmate and no one plays with them. So we fill that position. To be one of their friends. It happens a lot to a child without siblings. Or the eldest until a baby brother or sister is added into the family.”

Sehun takes the same seat he sat opposite from him. His fringe, that’s parted in the middle, falls to his eyes and he runs a hand over it. His hair looks soft and real too.

“Other times, children need us when they feel lonely.”

That word hits Luhan hard and he swallows the discomfort and guilt he feels along with denial.

“It’s different than just wanting a playmate. It’s something that goes on a bit longer until that void, that loneliness, goes away and that’s when we let them go.”

Sunyoung’s words echo in his ears. Xiangmin lonely. Luhan has a hard time wrapping his head around this. He’s always with Luhan. And he never leaves him alone. Xiangmin always has someone with him. How can Xiangmin feel lonely? How can there be this _void?_

Frustration simmers inside him at the thought of his son going through such an emotion.

“I’m sorry,” Sehun says but his apology only makes Luhan feel angry.

“When does it go away?” Luhan asks. _When do you go away?_

“It depends. For starters, there’s giving them the attention they need. And then it’s mostly through age. When they grow up and they manage to find things that take up their time or distract them. Like school work. Or new friends.” Sehun gives him a reassuring smile. “That’s why you shouldn’t be so afraid of me. I could never hurt Xiangmin. I don’t exist for that reason.”

Well, Luhan thinks, that’s one less thing for him to worry about then.

Luhan stares at Sehun but he’s not actually looking at him. It’s like he’s in a daze. He still doesn’t believe in all this. An imaginary friend, popping in and out of the room at his son’s request. They conjured him up for Christ’s sake! He was a product of his son’s imagination. He isn’t supposed to be real.

But at the same time, Sehun just proved to him earlier that he isn’t that much real. Minseok couldn’t see him. He just appears out of nowhere. So unless Minseok and Xiangmin are pulling a prank on him, what he’s saying could possibly be true. 

An imaginary friend.

“I don’t know what to say to all this,” Luhan murmurs, closing his eyes. “This doesn’t happen in real life.”

“It happens a lot.” Sehun replies. “But of course no one sees us. I’m not sure why you can.”

“That makes me feel a whole lot better,” Luhan opens his eyes just to let Sehun see the sarcasm behind it.

Sehun dips his head. “I am sorry for what happened this morning. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

This morning. Great. Luhan thinks the receptionist back at his apartment might find him crazy now for even describing a person earlier that didn’t exist. Good thing he hadn’t called security yet to check on the cameras.

“So how do I go about this?” Luhan asks. “You being here. Do I pretend you don’t exist when other people aside from Xiangmin is in the room with me?”

Sehun seems pleased with that idea. “Yes. We can do that. You can just ignore me until I figure out why you can see me in the first place. Until then, you can pretend.”

Pretend. Luhan’s not sure that’ll work but he’s a little lightheaded from all of this, plus the fact that he hasn’t eaten anything yet, that he finds himself nodding and agreeing to a figment of his son’s imagination.

 

 

 

Luhan is glad when Saturday ends although it had been the most strangest and headache inducing Saturday he’s had. He knows how to deal with stress. He can deal with filming deadlines, difficult actors and actresses, whiny managers and a restless staff. But he can’t deal with an imaginary friend.

How does one deal with all the weird anyway? They’d agreed on pretending. But Luhan can’t pretend he doesn’t find it strange that there is a full grown man just hanging around his son. They went home after lunch with Minseok, and Sehun was with them all throughout the day. In the car ride home, he and Xiangmin were talking animatedly about animals flying. They talked about floating houses and how the weather forecast tomorrow might have ice cream raining down on them. Then when they arrived home, Xiangmin hadn’t asked Luhan to play with him once but was content with Sehun playing with him in the middle of their living room. This explained so much why Luhan always sees Xiangmin talking to himself. He was always talking to Sehun and Luhan just hadn’t seen him then.

It’s all so bizarre and equally annoying how there’s this unwanted addition in his household. Well, on his part, since Xiangmin doesn’t seem like he has a problem with all this. But that was the thing, Sehun existed because Xiangmin was lonely. So everytime he’s around, Luhan doesn’t know whether to blame himself or stay pissed at Sehun for being a walking reminder of this truth.

It doesn’t end there. Just when Luhan though it was all going to go away the next day, Sehun still shows up. 

“Good morning.” He greets as Luhan emerges from his room. Xiangmin had woken up earlier before him and Luhan finds him and Sehun in the living room working on a puzzle. He’s dressed in the same clothes he’s wearing yesterday. Except that he had taken off his shoes and is in his socks. At least he has some manners.

“Good morning, appa,” Xiangmin smiles at him, hair sticking out in odd ends.

“Morning. Min, come have some breakfast.” Luhan only says, already in a sour mood that Sehun is around. Xiangmin drops the puzzle pieces he’s holding and follows Luhan to the kitchen where he helps him pull out cereal and milk from the fridge.

“Appa, are we going to visit halmeoni and harabeoji today?” Xiangmin asks while eating his cereal. Luhan hands him a table napkin to wipe away the milk that had dribbled down his chin.

“Yes, we are.” They hadn’t visited yesterday.

“Can Sehun come with us?”

Luhan looks at Sehun sitting there beside his son who only looks back at him, waiting for his reply. Up close like this, Sehun resembles a kid.

“If he’s not busy, why not?” It’s not like he has a choice.

Xiangmin looks at Sehun. The latter shakes his head. “I’m not busy.”

“Yes!” Xiangmin exclaims.

They continue eating. Well, Luhan does. Xiangmin and Sehun have started talking about what it would feel like swimming in milk.

“We’d be so sticky.” Xiangmin says, scooping up a spoonful of cereal.

“But you’d get to drink milk while you’re at it.” Sehun points out.

“But what if I peed while swimming on it?” Xiangmin giggles.

“Min-ah, that’s not really an appropriate thing to say while you’re eating.” Luhan reprimands. He then eyes Sehun that’s just sitting there. “You’re not hungry?”

“We don’t eat.” Sehun replies. “We don’t feel hungry.”

Luhan doesn’t ask why. He doesn’t think he can handle any more information about this imaginary friend business anyway.

But if he’s being true to himself, he’d like to ask a few more questions. Where did he come from exactly? Why is he still visible to Luhan? How old was Xiangmin when he started seeing him? But Luhan doesn’t dare ask those questions no matter how curious he is. Sometimes, knowing just the small facts, are enough. For now.

He has Xiangmin help him clean around the house. They do the laundry they haven’t done yesterday with Xiangmin separating the whites and the colors. Joohyun once said to him that she'd like to start Xiangmin young and teach him how to do chores. Luhan makes sure he follows through the end of her request.

Sehun is there helping them. They play a counting game and Luhan listens in on his son playing along. The last time Luhan taught Xiangmin how to count, they couldn’t get past ten. But as Luhan listens to him, he hears him count up to twenty and he finds this both impressive and sad that he wasn’t there when he learned all this.

When they’re done with their chores, Luhan tells Xiangmin to go bathe while he finishes up cleaning the kitchen. Sehun was about to follow him when Luhan calls him back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asks.

“With Xiangmin.” Sehun simply replies.

“He doesn’t need you in there.”

“He likes playing in the water sometimes. He pretends he’s a pirate and I’m one of his crew.”

Luhan frowns at this. “You’ve been in the bath with him before?”

“Yeah,” Sehun nods. “Lots of times.”

Luhan closes his eyes and takes a moment for himself before opening them again.

“Look, I don’t know how long you’re staying, but we need to set a few rules while you’re here.” He can’t just allow a stranger to be with his son 24/7. But of course he can’t say that to him because to Xiangmin, he’s not a stranger. He’s a friend.

“Sehun-ah!” Xiangmin shouts from the bathroom.

“Like that,” Luhan motions to where his son is. “Don’t let him call you that. I’m teaching him to be more respectful. Remind him to call you hyung.” He reasons instead.

“Oh that’s okay,” Sehun shrugs. “We’re catered to kids so there’s no age level between us. Besides, I technically don’t exist, so.”

This doesn’t make things any better.

“Still, he picks up things at home so I’d like him to call you hyung.” Luhan says.

“Well, okay.” Sehun pauses for awhile, thinking. “So, since we’re teaching him how to be respectful, does that mean you get to call me hyung too since i’ve kind of been around for a thousand years…” Sehun looks at him, waiting for his reply.

Luhan presses his lips together in a firm line.

“I call you Sehun. You call me Luhan. That’s that.”

“Alright.” Sehun makes his way to Xiangmin when Luhan stops him again.

“No, no. Stay here. I’ll go deal with him.”

Sehun sits down patiently on his couch while Luhan heads to the bathroom.

Luhan sighs, running a hand over his face. This is going to take some time getting used to. 

He finds Xiangmin already inside the shower. He has the shower head in his hand, spraying water on his hair. Luhan gets in, fully clothed as he takes the shower head from him so Xiangmin can start putting shampoo on his hair.

Luhan smiles to himself when Xiangmin starts singing. It’s a song he’s not familiar with and he can’t decipher what the lyrics are. But it’s just nice listening to him. Xiangmin takes the shower head from him when he’s done and uses it a microphone, dancing around and wiggling his butt. Luhan laughs, motioning for him to come closer so he can finally rinse the soap and shampoo off of him.

“Where did you learn how to do that?” Luhan asks.

“Sehun taught me.” Xiangmin beams. Luhan forces to keep the smile he’s holding.

“Yeah, about that,” Luhan reaches to turn the water nozzle off. He then grabs a towel and dries his son’s hair. “Sehun doesn’t have to stay with us a lot, does he? I mean, I’m here all the time.” Luhan bends on one knee as he pulls the towel off of him and so he can look at Xiangmin in the eye. “Besides, I’m sure Sehun has somewhere important to be.”

“No he doesn’t. Sehun always plays with me.” Xiangmin blinks at him. There are still droplets of water gathering on his nose and chin and Luhan wipes that off too.

“Don’t I play with you too?” Luhan asks.

“Yeah. But you’re always at work.” Xiangmin does a small shrug with his shoulders. “And Sehun is always wherever I am.”

“Hyung,” Luhan corrects him. “Sehun hyung.”

“Sehun hyung.” Xiangmin repeats.

Luhan nods. “But you do know you can play with me too, right?”

Xiangmin bobs his head up and down. “I know. After work. And on Saturday afternoons when you’re done with the computer, and Sundays in the morning, but only until dinner.”

Xiangmin says all this like he’s reciting something he’s memorized by heart.

“Right.” Luhan frowns, realizing he does have a schedule when it comes to playing with Xiangmin. “Well, why don’t we scrap the schedule. Appa can play with you all the time.”

“Really?” Xiangmin’s eyes have grown wide at that. “How?” 

How indeed. Luhan can’t just drop whatever he’s doing just to play with his son. He has to work. He also doesn’t want to make promises he can’t keep. Promises were sacred to Xiangmin.

“Let me figure that out.” Luhan scratches the back of his head and ushers Xiangmin out the shower. “But until then, you can tell me when you want to play.”

Xiangmin jumps. “I know! After halmeoni’s, can we go to the park?”

“Yeah. We can do that.”

Xiangmin smiles and thanks him for it by hugging his legs. Luhan’s chest aches at that. That something so simple could make him smile.

“Alright. Go change so we can head over to your grandmother’s.”

Luhan doesn’t drive all the while to Joohyun’s parents’. They take the bus since it’s easier and Luhan has a reason they can leave early. Ever since the accident, Joohyun’s father has taken an obvious dislike to Luhan and if it wasn’t for Joohyun’s mother, Luhan wouldn’t have to visit. His in-laws have taken care of him and Xiangmin after the accident, taking them in to live with them for a few years until recently when they finally moved out. Luhan owes it to them to pay them a visit every week and bring with them their only grandson.

Joohyun’s parents live in the residential parts of Seoul. They have a house to themselves and a park nearby where Xiangmin loves going to. It’s only a short walk as they get off the station. Luhan has a basket of fruits in one hand and Xiangmin holding on to his other. Sehun is following closely behind them. 

“Do you think halmeoni will like it?” Xiangmin asks. He’s talking about the painting he made of his grandmother at school last week. He brought it with him in his backpack.

“Of course she will. She likes everything you make.” Luhan replies. They turn at another street. It’s only three houses down from where they are. Luhan slows his steps as they get nearer.

“What about the cup?” Xiangmin asks. He’s referring to the small pot he made for his grandfather at school too. Luhan nods.

“They’ll love it.” Luhan smiles at him. There’s a skip to Xiangmin’s steps at that and he releases his hand so he can go on ahead and ring the doorbell.

“You don’t like coming here, do you?” Sehun asks, walking up beside him.

“No, I don’t.” Luhan says, not bothering to lie. “How can you tell?”

“I’ve been here before.” Sehun looks at the house up ahead. “Xiangmin likes it here. When you moved houses, he wanted to come visit a lot. But you only visit during weekends and don’t stay for too long. Why?”

“If you have a father-in-law that pretty much hates your existence, you’d have to move houses and not overstay your visit.” Luhan looks at him. “Xiangmin likes it here?”

Sehun nods. He walks with his hands in his pockets, back hunched a little. A small breeze blows through them, his fringe moving away from his eyes. It’s only been a day since Sehun is with them but there’s this strange pull he can already feel coming from him. Luhan tries to dismiss it as much as he can. He’s already had so much stuff to deal with concerning this guy.

“This is home for him.” He answers. “This is the earliest place Xiangmin remembers growing up.”

Home used to be in Joohyun’s apartment. When they got married, Luhan wanted them to get a place of their own. Some place new. Some place they can start decorating and fill with memories of their new life. Joohyun said it could wait since she wanted to save money. Besides, it was just the two of them. Joohyun’s apartment was bigger than Luhan’s so it was fine that Luhan moved in with her.

But when they had Xiangmin, Joohyun considered moving. They wanted a three bedroom apartment and one that’s in between their workplaces and Joohyun’s parents so they can come visit. They could fill it with new memories of starting a family. It had taken awhile for them to find the right place so Xiangmin was able to live in Joohyun’s apartment until he turned a year old.

Luhan gave the place up after the accident. It just didn’t feel like home anymore. In fact, none of the places he’s ever lived afterwards felt like one. Not even the new place they just moved into.

He’s interrupted by Xiangmin shouting “Halmeoni!” Luhan looks up to where Joohyun’s mother, a pretty woman in her mid sixties dressed in a comfortable long sleeves and pants with her hair tied neatly in a bun, opens the gate and welcomes Xiangmin in her arms.

“Oh sweetheart, I missed you.” She laughs, embracing Xiangmin tight. Luhan gives them a moment to themselves before he follows. It is a universal truth that grandmothers favor their grandchildren. Luhan has seen her do everything she can for Xiangmin. From helping with the little things he does at school to even staying up late at night once when he was sick and Luhan hadn’t known then how to take care of him.

“Luhan?” She straightens up upon seeing him. Luhan bows in greeting.

“Sorry we’re late. We missed the five o’clock bus.”

“That’s alright.” She smiles, motioning for him to come inside.

His in-laws’ are old-fashioned. The house they’ve lived in has stood for a long time and they haven’t moved even once. The decor has only changed twice, according to Joohyun. The first time when she was born and the second time when she moved away. Joohyun grew up in this house. Her old room has been converted into a guest bedroom that Luhan used when he moved in and has now become Xiangmin’s room when he sleeps over. There’s a piano in the living room where Joohyun’s mother teaches neighboring kids, and a small garden out back where Joohyun’s father tends to during his past time. He’s a retired university economics professor, the shelves inside their home a living proof of that when it’s filled with economics books dating back through the ages.

Luhan settles the basket of fruits inside the kitchen.

“Thank you, Luhan. The pears look especially good.” Joohyun’s mother says.

“You’re welcome. Is there anything I can help you with around here?”

She shakes her head. “I only need to take the fish out.”

“Let me do it.” Luhan offers but she starts ushering him out of her kitchen. Luhan laughs.

“Is abeonim here?” He asks, even if he knows where he is.

“Out back. I think Xiangmin is with him.”

Luhan steps out of the kitchen that’s starting to smell wonderfully of their dinner tonight. If there’s one thing he likes about visiting, it’s to have Joohyun’s mother’s home cooked food, a break from all the take out he and Xiangmin usually eats.

He passes the living room and heads to the sliding doors that lead to the garden. Xiangmin is there beside his grandfather, who’s sitting on a small stool with a flashlight trained on a plant. Sehun had followed them. He’s standing behind them, just watching. As if he’s part of the conversation. 

“See here,” Luhan hears Joohyun’s father says to Xiangmin. “This one has just started to bloom. A few more days and it’ll open up beautifully.”

“I’d like to draw one.” Xiangmin says. His grandfather smiles at him.

“And I’d love to see it. I’ll transfer it to the pot you gave me so you can draw that one in too.”

Xiangmin beams back at that.

Joohyun’s father stands up and turns to the entryway to where Luhan is. He’s a man in his seventies, four years older than his wife. He’s tall and slightly round from retirement and old age. His hair is still black at the top but is starting to grey at the roots. Joohyun inherited his jaw from him, while she got her nose and eyes from her mother. 

Luhan bows in greeting when their eyes meet. He ignores the frown that had settled in his face when he saw him.

“You’re late.” His father-in-law says. Luhan bows again in apology.

“I apologize. We missed the bus.”

He huffs, making his way inside. Xiangmin is still out in the garden, tugging at Sehun’s sleeves and pointing at the flowers his grandfather showed him earlier. Luhan is glad he missed the exchange.

Dinner is composed of hot chicken soup with vegetables that Luhan is thankful for since Xiangmin rarely eats vegetables these days, some steamed mandu and rice. The dining area seats six but two of the chairs have been stowed away. Sehun is nowhere to be seen during dinnertime. Xiangmin doesn’t look like he minds. He’s too busy enjoying his food. Luhan watches pleased as Xiangmin asks bowl after bowl of soup.

“My grandson has quite the appetite.” Joohyun’s mother says, pleased to find Xiangmin eating a lot.

“It’s very delicious, halmeoni.” Xiangmin compliments. Joohyun’s mother laughs.

“I’ll pack some home for you and your appa to reheat.”

“Thank you.” Luhan says.

“You need to learn how to cook.” Joohyun’s father speaks up. “You can’t feed a growing child fast food every day.”

“I make sure he doesn’t have them all the time.” Luhan answers back as politely as he can.

“Do you even feed him?” He asks, looking at him from across the table in a disapproving look.

“I do.” Luhan answers. He can feel his grip on the chopsticks tighten and he settles them down for a moment so he can take a drink of water instead. Xiangmin’s weight has always been an issue around here since he easily gets sick. Luhan has tried his best to get his son to eat more but Xiangmin is just built skinny like him. This leads to Joohyun’s father questioning his abilities to take care of him all the time.

“Huh,” His father-in-law huffs again. “With what, I wonder. Processed meat? Instant ramen?”

“The ahjumma I buy food from every now and then packs us healthy rice rolls.”

“Take out.” Another huff. “It was better when he lived here.”

“Yeobo,” Joohyun’s mother reaches out to squeeze her husband’s arm lightly. “Not at the dinner table.”

Xiangmin is looking at this exchange with wide curious eyes. Joohyun’s father makes another grumbled sound of disapproval. Luhan sits there, his appetite gone.

“Luhan brought us fruits.” Joohyun’s mother speaks up, trying to lighten the mood. Luhan stands up at that, making sure to push his chair back without scraping the floors loudly.

“I’ll go get it.”

Luhan takes a deep breath once he gets inside the kitchen. He curls his knuckles, letting his nails dig into his palms. It’s always like this every time they visit. He can understand why Joohyun’s father hates him. And if he could, he’d never visit again. But he has Xiangmin for a son and he is their grandson. Luhan can’t just deprive them of him.

Luhan leans against the kitchen counter, tipping his head back and sighs. Guilt. That’s what he feels. He feels guilty and indebted to them which is probably causing most of the strain. Indebted, since they’ve taken care of Xiangmin through the years and guilty, because Luhan took their daughter away from them. But Luhan wishes it doesn’t have to be like this all the time. That he doesn’t have to feel so stifled whenever he comes visit. 

Something moving on the corner of his eye has Luhan look to the side to see Sehun there. He’s observing the magnet collections in the fridge with his hands behind him. He seems oblivious to Luhan’s presence.

“Were you here this whole time?” Luhan asks, irked that someone is here when all he wanted was a moment to himself. He never has that anymore. Not even when he’s in the privacy of his own home.

Sehun looks at him in surprise, as if Luhan was the one intruding on his private moment.

“Just a few minutes ago.” Sehun replies.

Luhan looks around the kitchen. It’s not that far from the dining area. He wonders how much Sehun has heard from in here.

He picks up the plate filled with sliced fruits, places a few toothpicks in them and heads back. Xiangmin is talking to his grandparents about what he did at school that week even if he did spend the last few days with them just recently. The mood which he left them in earlier is gone. Luhan has to thank his son for that.

He spends the duration of that dinner silent and only talk when he’s asked something. Joohyun’s father doesn’t talk to him for the rest of the night. Luhan is used to this. In fact, he prefers this over having him comment about things he doesn’t like about him.

It’s Joohyun’s mother that sees them to the door when they leave. His father-in-law hugs Xiangmin tight with his grandson promising to bring him a drawing of the flower he showed him earlier. Luhan has replaced the basket of fruits he’s carried when they arrived with containers of leftover food that Joohyun’s mother packed for them.

“Thank you for coming over and bringing Xiangmin with you.” She says as they walk to the gate. “I know how much my husband makes you feel uncomfortable.”

Luhan doesn’t deny this. But he ignores that last bit out of respect. “You don’t have to thank me.” He says instead. “Xiangmin misses it here.”

Joohyun’s mother smiles. “I miss the both of you too. If you’re having second thoughts about that new place…” She teases to which Luhan laughs.

“I’ll let you know if I do.” He says. Up ahead, Sehun has appeared and has started walking beside Xiangmin.

“Thank you,” Luhan raises the food containers he’s carrying.

“You know it’s nothing,” His mother-in-law says. “Just call me up if you need me to stock your fridge.”

Luhan nods. He calls Xiangmin over so he can say goodbye to his grandmother. Joohyun’s mother gives her grandson a kiss on the cheek and a tight hug before letting go of him. Luhan bows to bid her a goodbye.

“Have you visited her already?” She asks once Luhan straightens up. Luhan shakes his head.

“Well, find the time to do so.” She says kindly. A gentle reminder. Luhan gives a small smile at that.

“I will.”

They pass by the park before they can take the bus back home. Luhan did promise Xiangmin they could come here afterwards. There’s a playground that Xiangmin frequently goes to when he and Luhan used to live in his in-laws’ place. Xiangmin immediately runs towards the slides when it comes into view. Luhan settles the food containers he’s carrying on a nearby bench and contemplates on joining his son. 

“Appa, come on!” Xiangmin shouts, a huge smile on his face. Luhan remembers the promise he made earlier that morning and follows him.

“You think we can both fit?” Luhan asks, already climbing the ladder. It’s been awhile since he played on the slides. It’s newly painted. Last time they were here, it was blue. Now it’s coated in green. So much has changed since then.

“Yup!” Xiangmin says. He’s following right behind him.

Luhan sits down on the space just before he can push himself off to slide. Behind him, Xiangmin hugs his back and Luhan holds his legs to keep him glued to him. It’s a huge reassurance that he’s safe with him.

“Ready?” He asks.

“Ready!” Luhan pushes himself off and they both slide down, Xiangmin’s laughter ringing in his ears. The wind hits his face, messing his hair up. The slide is quick since it’s just a short one. But it’s enough to feel that small adrenaline pump through his veins. Luhan plants his feet down when they reach the ground. Xiangmin doesn’t relinquish his hold on him as they land.

He can feel his son’s heart beating frantically from the adrenaline rush as he presses his chest to Luhan’s back. Luhan leans back just so he can feel it more strongly. He basks in his son’s presence. Feeling his heartbeat and hearing him breathe is a welcome reminder that he’s living healthily beside him.

“Appa, again!”

Luhan laughs, gets off the slides and helps Xiangmin get off so they can go at it again.

They go on the slides a few more times, then on the swings where Luhan pushes Xiangmin and watches him go up high. He makes sure to catch him when he comes back so he doesn’t fall.

Luhan sits back on the bench to rest once Xiangmin goes over to the sandbox. There’s a shovel and pail someone left behind and he uses it to pack in sand to make castles.

“You look upset.”

Luhan turns to Sehun who had taken a seat beside him rather than join Xiangmin on the sandbox. He had disappeared earlier and Luhan had forgotten for a moment he existed. It’s still strange to see him just come and go.

“I’m not,” Luhan answers. He really isn’t. But he’s not sure what he feels at the moment. It was the mention of Joohyun and how he should visit her. He hasn’t done that in a long time.

But it’s also not something he’d like to talk about to a stranger so Luhan motions to his son instead. “Aren’t you supposed to do your imaginary friend duties and go play with him?”

“He’s busy. He doesn’t need me right now.” Sehun answers. Luhan only leans back, not bothering to reply. 

“Would you like to talk about it?”

Luhan looks at Sehun who’s still looking back at him, expression expectant, like he’s waiting for Luhan to start talking.

“No, thank you.”

“It helps, you know.” Sehun continues. Luhan presses his lips together at that. He’s not one to just talk about things. It’s not something he’s good at. He’d rather listen to someone than do the talking. And besides, his feelings isn’t something he’d like to share.

But there’s this strange pull again that’s making him want to talk about it. That it would be okay to confide in this guy. Which is just ridiculous because this is a stranger and not at all a friend. Although he is a stranger he finds familiar.

It’s ridiculous.

“Why are you here again?” He asks Sehun instead.

Sehun blinks back. “Because of Xiangmin.”

“That’s right,” Luhan says. “Because of him. So do me a favor and just watch over him. Don’t worry about me, or look out for me. I’m fine. I’m not the one in need of an imaginary friend.”

He stands up, taking his phone out of his pocket so he can walk around and give Minseok a call. He needs to ask about next week’s schedule anyway. But he knows this is only an excuse to clear his head.

“You seem like you do.”

Luhan turns around, phone still pressed to his ear. He can hear the call going through, the sound of it ringing and waiting for the other person on the other side of the line to pick up. 

“What?” Luhan asks.

“An imaginary friend.” Sehun answers, looking at him with that gaze that makes him look so familiar to him again that Luhan tries to grasp that memory where he’s seen him before. “You seem like you need one.”

It’s right there. Like the flash of a camera going off and an image of Sehun somewhere familiar is shown to him. That face. His voice. His eyes. Luhan tries to chase after it but it’s no use. The memory is gone.

Luhan just stares at him, the moment disappearing, and he’s left staring at him blankly until Minseok’s voice answering his call finally cuts through his reverie.

 

 

 

He’s everywhere. Sehun is everywhere. He’s always there in his stupid ass outfit and his face popping in and out of the room.

Luhan rarely becomes annoyed or irritated by someone. He’s patient, and working in the media industry has trained him to be flexible in catering to different people. But Sehun keeps on testing him. He’s always appearing and disappearing, startling him and intervening in the most sensitive subjects as if he has the right to.

One time, in the dead of the night, he found him in his living room continuing the puzzle Xiangmin left out after dinner. It had startled Luhan to see someone still awake at that time. He was hoping to grab a drink a drink and stay by the couch just to be alone. Now he can’t even relax in his own house.

Another time, Sehun kept entertaining Xiangmin with the thought of having a second parent. A mother. Xiangmin kept asking him about it, if everyone had mothers or some had only fathers. Luhan had erupted angrily at them for talking about it. He had to apologize to Xiangmin afterwards when his son had stopped crying and he explained briefly and briskly why he only had a father, sticking to the most simple and safest explanation and making sure he doesn’t ask about it ever again.

He blames Sehun for everything. He’s come to doubt that his son is lonely and the only reason why Sehun is here is to be a bother. He needs Sehun to go away but no matter what he does, he’s always there, being Xiangmin’s strange friend and a pest to Luhan.

“What’s up with you?” Minseok had asked him silently one Thursday night when he had his friends over for their usual weekly dinners. He had been in a sour mood when they arrived. Xiangmin had asked him earlier if Sehun could sleep over tonight. Sehun usually doesn’t do sleepovers. It was the first time Xiangmin asked. Luhan didn’t have an answer prepared so Sehun answered for him, how they’ll be able to fit in Xiangmin’s bed just fine. Luhan didn’t consider that fine. He told Xiangmin he wouldn’t allow it unless he’d be able to watch over them. It was a natural parent-like answer. Sehun was still a stranger to him and he wasn’t going to leave him alone with his kid. So Sehun thought of a marvelous idea that all three of them could sleep over in Luhan’s bed tonight.

“Nothing. Just… new project release jitters,” Luhan lies, eating more stew so Minseok wouldn’t have to ask him about it any more.

On the far end of the table is Seulgi with Xiangmin on her lap. Across from him is Baekhyun, playing with Xiangmin’s hair and annoying Seulgi because she had wanted it in a different style for him when Baekhyun took him out to cut his hair yesterday. Minseok sided with Seulgi while Jongdae sided with Baekhyun. 

“I think the new cut looks better on him. What do you think?” Sehun says, appearing out of nowhere as usual and sitting on the kitchen counter nearest to Luhan. Luhan had jolted in his seat at the sound of his voice next to him.

“Both are fine.” Luhan mumbles, low and careful so none of his friends can hear him talking to no one in particular.

Sehun’s presence is too large. Both figuratively and in the literal sense. Luhan is used to having just Xiangmin in his home and now it’s like there’s this whole other person living with them. An additional voice. An additional person in their space. He’s not exactly little, what with his tall stature so Luhan can actually see him flitting in and out of rooms with Xiangmin on the corner of his eye. And with him being nonexistent to others, Sehun’s presence is just too great and difficult to deal with.

But if Luhan can be really honest, he knows the real reason why Sehun gets on his nerves a lot. He hates admitting it to himself. But he’s jealous. It was always Xiangmin and him doing stuff together. Playing in pizza parlors. Going around eating ice cream. Playing in the park. Sharing bedtime stories and being in the showers together. He and Xiangmin being ridiculous was something they both did. Being silly was their thing. And here comes Sehun, an imaginary person who doesn’t even exist, stealing all of it.

But Luhan is a grown man past his thirties so being jealous about having someone sharing his son’s attention isn’t so easy to admit.

He forgets sometimes that Sehun is still familiar. But whenever he does have moments that make him think about where he’s seen him before, it always leaves him quick and he’s left wondering and searching in vain for a certain memory in his head.

It’s annoying. Everything about Sehun is an annoying. He’s like an itch he can’t scratch. It’s like he’s attracted to him. Not physically, although he has to admit Sehun is quite the package. Tall, broad shouldered with sharp facial features. It makes him look like a model or an actor Luhan always works with. But the pull he feels whenever Sehun is around is more like a magnet. It’s insane.

“We should do this every night, appa.” Xiangmin said to him that night as Luhan pulls the covers up to his chest. He looks completely comfortable and Luhan should just collapse right next to him. But on Xiangmin’s other side is Sehun, lying there in his bed because this is a sleepover he wasn’t able to find a way out of. Luhan just kisses Xiangmin a good night in reply, turns to his side and starts counting down the days when Sehun wouldn’t have to be such a nuisance in their lives anymore.

 

 

 

“Three months of filming left.” Minseok sighs in content. “Three months of having a lean schedule.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re allowed to slack off.” Seulgi smacks him lightly on his chest. “You two need to be there for the last of my wardrobe fittings.” 

Luhan notices the blush on his friend’s cheek at that and laughs to himself. On his side, Baekhyun is helping Xiangmin on Jongdae’s shoulder. It’s a Friday night. Luhan just picked up Xiangmin from school and was about to head home when he was called in for a meeting. They decided to have dinner out than head straight home as usual. Minseok and the rest joined them.

They’re off to check out a new chicken ginseng place. They all left their cars at the studio’s parking lot since it was just a short walking distance and the weather was nice.

Sehun is with them. As usual. He’s walking behind them, talking to Xiangmin. Xiangmin is pointing to him all the clothes shop they’re passing by. Jongdae thinks Xiangmin is talking to him, answering Xiangmin everytime he speaks. Luhan tunes them out. It’s weird listening to three people in that conversation when one of them doesn’t know a third person exists.

“Guess who I ran into the other day.” Baekhyun speaks up beside him, popping a tic tac in his mouth. Luhan doesn’t understand Baekhyun’s fondness for eating candies all the time, especially right before they’re about to have dinner.

“Who?” Seulgi asks. A cool breeze just hit them just as she finished asking. Luhan checks on Xiangmin to see if he has his jacket wrapped tight around him. He finds Sehun already on it, helping him fix the collar around his neck.

“Seungwan.” Baekhyun answers. Luhan finds the name familiar. “Chanyeol casted her and Jongin in his new sit-com. She was signing the contract when I dropped by for lunch yesterday.”

“Seungwan?” Seulgi looks at Luhan then. “The one you…”

Luhan remembers now. Seungwan had been a date Minseok set up for him a year ago. She was just a new actress then and Minseok thought it’d be a good idea to get him to start dating again. Luhan declined but Minseok insisted. They went out twice before Luhan decided to end it. He was still uncomfortable at the thought of dating.

Luhan glances behind him just to check on Xiangmin and see if he’s listening. Seungwan hadn’t met him. Seungwan hadn’t known he had a kid then. Not that Luhan had any plans of hiding this bit of information if he ever got around to dating again. 

Instead he catches Sehun’s eyes. He doesn’t have to figure out if he had been listening. He was, and Luhan looks away.

“Yes, that one.” Minseok answers for her.

“How did that go, by the way? I always wondered what happened.” Seulgi says.

“She was a nice girl.” Luhan answers, quietly enough just for the four of them to hear up front. “But I wasn’t looking into dating so soon.”

“How about now?” Jongdae asks out loud. Lunan cringes. His voice wasn’t that low like he thought it had been.

He’s not sure why he can feel Sehun’s eyes boring at the back of his head. Sehun always looks at him like he wants to ask questions and Luhan never gave him the opportunity to do so. Every time they were alone, Luhan always manages to do something or get out of the room. Sehun’s curiosity was like that of a child’s. He always pried, not knowing he was actually prying. Luhan doesn’t want him to listen to this conversation. He doesn’t want him to ask why he wasn’t dating anyone when he’s obviously single.

Luhan looks up and sees the chicken ginseng place they were looking for. 

“You guys get in. It’s getting colder out here.” Luhan says, avoiding the subject. Jongdae opens his mouth, probably to ask him again but Xiangmin gives off a small sneeze. He wobbles in Jongdae’s shoulder making Baekhyun, who is nearest to him, reach for Xiangmin quick.

“Come on, you guys,” Minseok opens the door for all of them. “Before any of us catches a cold.”

Luhan helps Xiangmin get off of Jongdae's shoulder, relieved that the conversation had been dropped. Sehun is no longer looking at him and Luhan relaxes, helping Xiangmin get inside.

 

 

 

Luhan’s schedule starts becoming lean in the next few months. He and Minseok only have to come in three days a week or whenever they’re needed. It’s great timing too because just as his schedule starts to slow down, Xiangmin falls sick.

Xiangmin always catches a cold easily. Their family doctor once said it was normal. Kids his age fall prey to it. But for Xiangmin, he catches it a lot. It’s always when the season changes and his body adjusts to the weather. It’s why Luhan has all these vitamins for Xiangmin to take after meals and how he's always bundled up every time they head out.

Whenever Xiangmin gets sick, Luhan always worries more than usual. He doesn’t admit it. But Minseok once stopped him from rushing Xiangmin to the hospital just for a slight cold. It’s Joohyun’s mother who usually comes and takes care of Xiangmin. But this time, Luhan would like to take care of him by himself. 

Xiangmin usually only gets a runny nose. Sometimes it’s a sore throat. But this season, he gets both and a fever which makes Luhan more agitated than usual.

“I already called your teacher. You don’t have to go to school until you’re completely fine.” Luhan explains to his son who is concerned about his absence. Xiangmin is under the covers in Luhan’s bed while Sehun is reading the thermometer he just took out from Xiangmin’s mouth.

“Thirty-nine.” He says. Luhan expected that, but it still doesn’t stop him from worrying even more.

“But what about school work?” Xiangmin asks, his voice cracking at the end. “And what about-”

“You can make up for it when you return.” Luhan assures him. “Right now, I want you to rest.”

Xiangmin nods, eyes all droopy and soon enough, he’s fallen back to sleep.

Luhan starts taking out every medicine he has in their bathroom cabinet and separates the ones Xiangmin doesn’t need. He can bring him to the hospital if it gets worse. But Luhan keeps himself in check that this is something he can handle on his own.

His doorbell rings throughout the apartment making Luhan leave his medicine pile. He looks back at Xiangmin before he leaves but somehow, his eyes meet Sehun’s. He’s looking at him like how Minseok would look at him when he’s putting in extra hours at the studio. Like he’s concerned about his well-being. Luhan’s not the one that’s sick though. He just nods, giving a silent permission Sehun hadn’t really asked of him to watch over his son while he’s gone.

For once, Luhan’s thankful he’s around. He doesn’t find Sehun’s presence annoying. Maybe because his presence keeps him grounded, keeping him from freaking out about Xiangmin’s fever. He hadn’t realized how alone he and Xiangmin were in this new place until today and that Sehun being around to help him take care of his son was something he needed.

Luhan opens the door and finds Seulgi carrying something in a plastic bag.

“I got your text.” Seulgi raises the bag. “It’s soup.”

“Thanks.” Luhan lets her in. “You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.” There’s a frown on her face that Luhan knows is of concern. “I’m glad you told me. I could call off my meeting but-”

Luhan places a hand on her arm. “The soup is enough.”

Luhan had texted Seulgi about Xiangmin’s fever just to ask what food to cook for him. Something easy to swallow because of his sore throat. He’d usually ask Joohyun’s mother. But he doesn’t want to worry her and have her come over. He also doesn’t want his father-in-law to bring up his lack of parenting skills when they visit next week.

Seulgi leaves him for awhile so she can check up on Xiangmin. Luhan transfers the soup to a pot, cleans the container Seulgi brought over so she can have it back. He’s turning the stove on to reheat some of the soup when Seulgi emerges from his room.

“He looks so deep in sleep back there. How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine.”

“Well, call me if you need anything. Medicine. Food.”

Luhan smiles. Seulgi is Joohyun’s best friend for this very reason. She always took care of her and her family and friends and it didn’t stop just because she was gone. “I will.” Luhan promises. “Thanks for coming over.”

Seulgi shakes her head. “No problem. Just promise to call me if nothing has changed.”

“I will.”

Seulgi takes the containers with her as she leaves, making sure one last time Luhan is going to call her within the day. Luhan is grateful for having friends that care about his son this much.

Luhan takes a small bowl filled with the soup Seulgi brought to Xiangmin. He’s still asleep with Sehun by his side, looking after him. It didn’t seem like he moved from his spot at all or left Xiangmin’s side. 

“He hasn’t woken up?” Luhan asks, setting the food on his bedside table. Sehun shakes his head.

Luhan sits on the other side of the bed, organizing the medicine pile he left earlier. He separates the ones for cough syrups and headaches and fevers. He doesn’t know how long he’s been organizing things when a hand stops his arm. Luhan looks up to find Sehun had circled the bed to get to him.

Sehun doesn’t exist. He’s very aware of that. But it’s these moments when Sehun touches him that Luhan entertains the possibility that he might be. When he passes by him in their small kitchen and their hips bump lightly against one another. When Xiangmin asks for ketchup and Luhan hands it to Sehun who’s closest to him and their fingers brush. The line between imaginary and real blurs and as he looks at Sehun this close, the weight of his hand in his arm evident, Luhan feels like Sehun can be just as real as Xiangmin is.

“You should eat.” Sehun says. “It won’t do any good if you’ll get sick too.”

At the mention of food, Luhan’s stomach grumbles. He doesn’t really want to leave Xiangmin’s side. But Luhan knows Sehun is right. His hands were shaking. He notices it now that Sehun lets go of him. He hadn’t realized he’d been fixated on trying to take care of his son and keeping himself busy that he forgot to eat.

He ends up going to the kitchen and pulling out leftover side dishes and rice. Sehun had followed him, pulling out condiments from the fridge and putting them down on the table. Luhan mutters out a thanks as he places everything in a bowl and makes himself a simple bibimbap.

“Are you sure you don’t eat?” Luhan asks. He still feels uncomfortable eating in front of Sehun when he just sits there all the time, keeping Xiangmin entertained until they’re all done.

Sehun shakes his head and smiles. “It’s fine. I’m used to it.”

Luhan finishes his dinner in just a few bites. He hasn’t eaten since that morning and by the time he’s done, the anxiety he had been feeling about Xiangmin’s fever was no longer consuming him. The food had helped cleared his thoughts. He has Sehun to thank for reminding him to eat. 

“Thank you.” Luhan says when he’s done. “For just being here.”

This has Sehun look at him in surprise, that Luhan stands up to clean his plate just to hide the blush he feels on his cheek. He’s aware he doesn’t usually pay much attention to Sehun or talk to him. But that’s because he finds his presence still strange in this household. He’s been with them for over two months now. He’s adjusted to some things. But sometimes, it’s still odd seeing him there.

And then there’s also that sense of familiarity he feels when he looks at him. He has yet to figure out why he’s drawn to those eyes or why he still feels that pull from him.

“You’re welcome.” Sehun replies. Luhan still has his back to him, keeping himself busy with the plates. He’s always awkward around Sehun and he deals with it by loathing his presence. But now that he’s genuinely thankful he’s here, he doesn't know what to do.

“I know Xiangmin’s too out of it to say anything, but I know he’s glad you’re here too.” Luhan stows the plates and utensils on the rack to dry. “He likes having you around.”

“I like being around him too.” Sehun replies. Luhan had turned around now that he’s finished washing the dishes to find Sehun still sitting there and smiling at him. “I like being around here.”

Luhan doesn’t understand why though. He and Xiangmin don’t really make an interesting family. But Sehun always makes it seem like they’re one of a kind.

“I’m sorry,” Luhan says. “For thinking so badly of you.”

It’s an apology long overdue. It feels good to say it out loud. He really meant it and Luhan hopes Sehun can forgive him for acting so childish around him. 

“It’s alright.” He says. “I know how strange this still is. I know you’re only looking out for Xiangmin.”

Luhan nods, giving a small smile at that. He pulls up a chair and sits beside him, the atmosphere between them no longer tense and awkward.

“Have you figured it all out though?” Luhan asks. “Like why I can see you?”

Sehun shakes his head. “Not yet. The higher ups are still looking into it.”

Higher ups. In an imaginary world. Luhan is about to dismiss this talk because this is another one of Sehun’s weird universe and he doesn’t want to dabble into it. But because he did apologize earlier and would like to ease things between them a bit, he asks him more about it just to be friendly. And he is kind of curious about some things.

“So there are, like, authorities in your world?” Luhan asks.

“Yes. There are people who oversee the whole system. They make sure everything runs smoothly. That there is an imaginary friend dispatched for a child in need of one.” Sehun explains. He sounds enthusiastic while talking about this.

“So do you see them around? These imaginary friends you work with.”

Sehun nods. “The family downstairs has twins. I have two of my friends keeping them busy.”

Luhan tries to follow along. “And they- you- what, stay until they’re past the age of nine?”

“Not really. Just when they no longer need us around.”

“And then what? You just disappear?” Luhan asks.

“Slowly, yes. Sometimes it can be quite abrupt. It depends on the child whether they still need us or not.”

Luhan gives a small laugh. “Well, then, looks like you’re going to be around forever. Xiangmin really likes having you here.”

Sehun chuckles back, his fringe falling to his eyes. Luhan knows Sehun is attractive. But when he laughs like this, he looks even more so. He wonders if in the imaginary world, there are people who are attracted to him too.

Luhan doesn’t realize he has been staring at Sehun for a while that when he does so, he blinks away and focuses on a cereal box in front of him.

“It’s a good look on you.” Sehun says.

“What?” Luhan asks, confused as to what he is referring to.

“This. Relaxed.” Sehun motions to his smiling face. Luhan finds that funny and laughs to himself.

“You should take a break.” Sehun adds. “From work. You’ve been extremely busy.”

“Not so much these days.” Luhan says in defense. “And I’ve already been away too long.”

“You have a point.”

This surprises Luhan. “You know about that?”

“No. But I remember being with Xiangmin for weeks without you.”

Luhan knows he’s referring to those times he wasn’t himself. When he couldn’t accept the fact that Joohyun was gone. Luhan had shut himself off from the world and even to Xiangmin at one point.

“I’m never going to do that again.” Luhan says under his breath, recalling the times Xiangmin would ask for him and he couldn’t be there to take care of him when he’s always nursing a hangover or drunk. Or when Joohyun’s mother calls for him to come home because he has a son and Luhan would ignore those calls and only come back from somewhere after a week.

“You shouldn’t. He needs you.” Sehun says, bringing him out from those bad memories.

“I know.” Luhan nods. “I need him too.”

Xiangmin is everything to him. He takes care of him in his own little way and reminds him of the smallest things in life that’s equally important as the big ones. Like putting on his seat belt when they’re in the car. Or telling him he’s had too much coffee for the day and that he should try to sleep. Luhan can’t see his life without him. He loves him so much and will forever be indebted to him for bringing him back to his senses and still trusting him after everything. Luhan is lacking in so many ways as a parent. But Xiangmin doesn’t seem to mind and has come to love him back anyway.

“You should head off to bed.” Sehun speaks up. Luhan nods, getting up from his chair. He checks on Xiangmin and is relieved to find his temperature has gone down. He sends a quick text to Seulgi as promised and fixes the covers so he can slip in.

He stops when he notices Sehun isn’t beside Xiangmin as usual. He turns around to find him by the doorway, looking at his son sleeping.

“You’re not coming?” Luhan asks, motioning to the other side of the bed where he’s used to seeing Sehun asleep. 

Sehun shakes his head and smiles. “Not tonight. Besides, Xiangmin is already asleep.”

“Right.” Luhan nods in agreement. Luhan doesn’t know why he’s slightly disappointed by this.

“I’ll see you in the morning then?” He asks. Sehun nods.

“I’ll be here when he wakes up. Goodnight, Luhan.”

Luhan nods, watching as Sehun closes the door quietly, leaving him and Xiangmin to sleep by themselves, a first in a long while.

 

 

 

Luhan decides to bring Xiangmin to visit his in-laws after two weeks have gone by. He hadn't wanted to bring him over when he was recuperating, but Joohyun’s mother called just to see how things are and invited them for dinner that Luhan couldn’t say no.

Sehun comes with them again. This time, Luhan is more welcoming. He’s been more welcoming after that night they talked. Luhan acknowledges his presence now and even talks to him in public. He still keeps it down because people throw strange looks at him when he forgets that Sehun isn’t visible and they see him talking to himself.

Dinner is filled with Xiangmin’s favorites, a sign that Joohyun’s mother missed him greatly. Not being able to visit for a week was already considered a very long time for them. Luhan is glad to see his son’s appetite come back as he asks for seconds and thirds. He has to remind him to eat slowly and chew his food properly else he chokes on them.

Xiangmin asks if he can play outside the garden with Sehun after he’s done. Luhan sat frozen in his spot for a few seconds, looking at his in-law’s carefully whether they noticed Sehun’s name. He doesn’t know what to answer if they ever ask him who Sehun is. He can’t tell them he’s an imaginary friend. That would only lead to more criticisms about the way he teaches Xiangmin things. But thankfully, none of them seem to notice it.

Sehun laughs quietly to himself when he sees Luhan relax. Luhan refrains from throwing him a look across the table to shut up.

“That kid is full of energy.” Joohyun’s mother gushes in her seat. They’re all watching Xiangmin playing basketball at the small makeshift ring Joohyun’s father made for him. The view from the dining room is wide enough for all of them to watch him.

“He just got it back. It’s one of the reasons we couldn’t visit in a while.” Luhan says then realizes afterwards he shouldn’t have mentioned anything.

“Oh, what happened?” Joohyun’s mother asks. Luhan has no plans of telling his in-laws their grandson had fallen sick. But Luhan can’t make up a lie now. 

“He got sick.” Luhan answers. “But he’s alright now. It was nothing. It was just the weather.”

Joohyun’s mother straightens up in her seat and Luhan knows what the next few minutes are going to be like.

“Was it the flu? Did he get a sore throat? Was there coughing?”

Luhan smiles, letting her know everything was fine.

“He had a bit of both. But he’s fine now. Really.”

“What did he eat? What medicine did he take? You could’ve told me, Luhan.”

“No, it’s fine. He got well really fast. He had soup and I kept him well hydrated-”

Joohyun’s father makes a _tsk_ at the end of the table. “This is typical of you, not letting us know. What kind of a father doesn’t know how to take care of his son properly.”

Luhan sits there dumbfounded. He finds this accusation unfair. He’s done a pretty good job in nursing Xiangmin back to health.

“He’s fine,” Luhan repeats, making sure both his in-laws heard him loud and clear. “It was just the flu. I gave him the right medicine and fed him food. Not take out.”

Joohyun’s father only grunts at that. “What he needed was to be here. Where we could’ve taken care of him.”

“He needed rest. And I did take care of him.” Luhan says, trying not to let this escalate into something else. 

“He should’ve been here. With us.”

“I’m his father.” Luhan answers back.

“You’re not doing a very good job of being one.”

There’s a string of unpleasant comebacks ready in his mouth to be said. But Luhan holds himself back, knuckles curled tight in a fist. He shouldn’t have visited. Or he should’ve dropped off Xiangmin and went out to dinner by himself. He can’t take any more of this. Every single time he visits, it always ends up this way.

“Thank you for dinner,” Luhan stands up and bows. “I think Xiangmin and I should leave.”

“Luhan, please,” Joohyun’s mother stops him from leaving but Luhan is already heading out to the garden and sliding the glass doors open. He’s had enough of this.

“Xiangmin, come on. We’re going home.” Luhan calls out. Xiangmin stops dribbling the ball to look at him. Sehun does so too, looking at him then at Joohyun’s mother and father behind him who have gotten up from their seat. 

“But the game just started-”

“You can play some other time. We’re going home.”

“The boy wants to stay.” Joohyun’s father says.

“No. We’re leaving.” Luhan takes Xiangmin’s bag and jacket from the couch.

“Appa, can we just have one game?” Xiangmin asks.

“Didn’t I just say we were going to leave?” Luhan snaps again.

“Don’t talk to him like that.” Joohyun’s father butts in.

Luhan looks at him square in the eyes. “He’s my son. I can talk to him however I want.”

“Enough.” Joohyun’s mother says under her breath, shifting her gaze between the two of them. “Let them leave.”

“Maybe Luhan’s the one who should just leave.”

“Yeobo!”

“It’s true! He’s the one who should’ve left us in the first place!”

It’s like a slap to his face. Joohyun’s mother had gasped at that, eyes widening at his husband’s words. Luhan had expected this to happen someday. That Joohyun’s father would finally snap and tell him what was bothering him rather than make every visit a living hell on Luhan’s part. He had expected it to hurt. But all the expectations didn’t seem to lighten the blow. It still stung to have it hear it from him in person.

“That is enough!” Joohyun’s mother picks Xiangmin up in his arms who had witnessed the exchange with wide curious eyes. Luhan can’t look at anyone at the moment. But he doesn’t have to. He knows Joohyun’s mother is furious and he just scared Xiangmin. No one has said another word and Joohyun’s mother carries Xiangmin out of there, Sehun following quietly, before anyone can start yelling again.

It takes awhile for Luhan to speak. The silence of the house and those last words thrown at him still rings in his ears. When he finally decides to speak, his voice trembles.

“You’re right,” He starts, finally looking at Joohyun’s father. He doesn’t look the least bit regretful which is just what Luhan needed. To see and hear the truth.

“It’s been four years. But there hasn’t been a single day that goes by without me thinking about being the one that took her place.” Luhan swallows down that huge lump in his throat from just thinking about Joohyun. “I should’ve been the one that died. It should’ve been me.”

Luhan feels hot tears gathering in his eyes and he blinks them away. In front of him, Joohyun’s father is silent.

“Joohyun could’ve been here. I’m sorry I’m still alive.”

He takes Xiangmn’s stuff with him and leaves, not even bothering to look behind him as he steps out the door. The gates are ajar which meant that Joohyun’s mother took Xiangmin out to the park. Luhan heads over there, holding everything in. It isn’t until he’s down the road, the night air and the silence accompanying him, does he release every pent up emotion he has and lets the tears fall.

It should’ve been him. Of all people to be taken away that day, it should’ve been him. Not Joohyun. Not his sweet, loving wife Joohyun. It should’ve been Luhan. Xiangmin would have her today and there wouldn’t be this guilt swallowing him every single day of his life. 

He slows down his pace, taking his time to cry. He never cried in front of anyone, especially not in front of Xiangmin. But it’s been long overdue and breaking down without anyone seeing him makes him feel better. It takes awhile for him to gather his bearings. He makes sure his eyes are dry by the time he reaches the playground. 

Xiangmin is on the swings with Joohyun’s mother pushing him from behind. He’s laughing, making his grandmother laugh too. Luhan doesn’t come any closer yet for fear of letting his son see his red puffy eyes. And he doesn’t know how to face his son when he just saw him and his grandfather yelling.

It’s Sehun who spots him standing there. He looks up from where he had been watching over Xiangmin and walks towards him. Luhan doesn’t hide himself when he’s closer. Sehun is different. He doesn’t exist. He’s no one, so Luhan feels like it’s alright to have him see him like this. He doesn’t budge from his spot or move closer. He just stands there, letting Sehun look at him.

He feels so tired. Luhan feels so exhausted. He’s not sure whether Sehun can tell because he cups his face in his hands. Sehun has large hands that makes him feel like he’ll be fine. That everything said tonight, though hurtful, would find its own way to heal. That the guilt filling him would learn to just go away and allow Luhan to forgive himself. He feels broken and tired that when Sehun pulls him in his arms, Luhan doesn’t resist and instead, rests his face against his chest.

He’s never learned to lean on anyone. It makes him feel weak. He has his friends that help him and support him. But Luhan had never voluntarily asked for their help. He hadn’t realized how good it feels. That it was okay to lean on someone once in a while.

They stay like that until Luhan feels better. He straightens up to step back but Sehun only tightens his hold.

“What are you doing?” Luhan asks, voice muffled against Sehun’s usual plaid shirt.

“I’m giving you a hug.”

“I’m fine now.” Sehun finally releases his hold on him. Luhan steps back and wipes his eyes. “Thank you.”

Sehun nods. “I’m sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable. Hugs always make kids feel better. I know you’re not one. But I thought you might've wanted one. You look like you needed it.”

“I did.” Luhan admits. “Thanks.”

Sehun smiles at him obviously pleased to have helped. 

“You should go meet them.” Sehun says to him when he sees Luhan watching his son from afar. “Xiangmin’s been asking for you.”

Joohyun’s mother doesn’t say anything to him. She just tells him to call if he needs anything. Luhan takes Xiangmin home, carrying him up the stairs since he fell asleep on the bus. He might have to explain why they were yelling earlier. But for now, he lets him sleep.

Sehun helps him with the covers in his bed as he lays Xiangmin down. Luhan changes quick and slips in next to him. Sehun is about to leave since Xiangmin is asleep and doesn’t really need him. But Luhan stops him before he can head out the door.

“Could you… stay?” Luhan asks.

Sehun looks back and nods, slipping underneath the covers on Xiangmin’s other side.

Luhan then turns the lights off and gives in to sleep.

 

 

 

Luhan walks along the columbarium, a flower crown in his hand. He had the flower shop right across the studio make it. He hadn’t known what kind of flowers to use. All he asked was just to make it look pretty.

Joohyun loves wearing flower crowns. The day they got married, Joohyun wore one. She had looked so beautiful, dancing with Luhan during the reception. The last time she was wearing a flower crown was during an afternoon out with Xiangmin as Luhan brought them to the park. Luhan made her a flower crown just out of the ones he picked from the bushes. It looked ugly. But when Luhan placed it on her head, Joohyun smiling up at him, it looked pretty. Maybe that was Joohyun’s effect. She makes everything so beautiful. He’d taken a picture of her and Xiangmin in her arms then, Joohyun laughing because Xiangmin was moving around so much and wouldn’t stay still.

Luhan stops in front of the space Joohyun occupies. He hadn’t visited in a long while. There’s fresh flowers that Luhan guesses is from her mother. He couldn’t even remember the last time he went here. Visiting Joohyun always made him feel angry. He’d remember why she died and Luhan tried to avoid this place as much as he can.

But somehow, this time feels different. Maybe that confrontation with Joohyun’s father helped a bit. Because as Luhan stands there looking at her name, he no longer feels angry. Just tired.

Luhan places the flower crown on the small space beside the fresh flowers. He imagines Joohyun in them. She’d look so beautiful, her hair tied in a loose braid behind her. Luhan finds himself smiling at that image before he turns around and leaves.

He’s greeted by Sehun outside the columbarium when he steps out. He’s surprised to see him when Xiangmin’s at school.

“How did you know I was here?” Luhan asks, stepping beside him.

“I always know where you and Xiangmin are.” Sehun replies. “Part of being an imaginary friend.”

They walk side by side as they head to Luhan’s car. Sehun gets in the passenger side while Luhan drives. He doesn’t stop until he reaches the Han River.

He comes here every time after visiting Joohyun. This place doesn’t hold a certain memory that reminds him of her. But it’s been a place Luhan frequently goes to after her death. He sits and watches the view and thinks about a lot of things. Mostly he comes out here to vent before heading home so Xiangmin doesn’t see him angry. Today, is different. Today, he sits there thinking when he’ll be able to forgive himself.

“Do you know what Xiangmin calls this place?” Sehun says beside him. They’re sitting on a bench overlooking the river. Luhan shakes his head. “He calls it the Hang River. Says there’s a lot of people hanging out here.”

Luhan chuckles. “Were you able to tell him what it’s really called?”

“Nah,” Sehun shrugs. “I like listening to him call it that way.”

Luhan laughs.

It’s a nice day out. The weather isn’t that cold. People are taking advantage of the sun by walking around and eating out rather than inside the shade.

“Was that your wife earlier?” Sehun asks. “The one you visited.”

Luhan nods. He’d normally avoid talking about Joohyun. But today feels different.

“I’ve never seen her. But Xiangmin looks more like you. Except for the eyes. ”

“She has Joohyun’s eyes.”

Sehun hums. Luhan relaxes in his seat, enjoying the fresh air.

“Would it be alright if I asked how she died?”

Luhan looks at the view in front of him, watching the water glisten in the daylight.

“She died in a car accident.” Luhan recalls. “She was on the way to pick up Xiangmin from her parents’ house when a drunk driver didn’t see her.”

He remembers getting the call from the hospital but ignored it and learned from Seulgi instead. It still haunts him how he ignored that call in favor of listening to a meeting. He shouldn’t have. He should’ve answered on the first ring.

“I’m sorry.” Sehun says.

Luhan nods. “It’s been four years.”

Four years of guilt. Four years of what ifs. Four years of not being able to forgive himself.

“Sometimes I think how it should’ve been me.”

“Don’t say that.” Sehun frowns at him.

“It was my fault. I was the one who was going to pick Xiangmin up.” Luhan looks at him. “After dinner. That’s what I promised her. But I was busy with work and it was getting late that she took the liberty of picking him up instead.”

He was always too busy. Joohyun never spoke to him about it. But Luhan has heard from Seulgi countless times to just take the weekends off at least now that he has a family. But Luhan couldn’t do that. He needed to support them. He needed the money for the new house, for all the expenses, for the baby, for Joohyun. He wanted to make sure they were well supported. 

But in the end, it didn’t even matter. All those long hours at work just cost him his wife.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Sehun says quietly beside him.

“It was. If only I was able to stick to the schedule and picked him up at the right time, none of this would’ve happened.” Luhan sighs. “If it did, it would’ve been me. I’d rather it was me.” 

“Hey,” Luhan looks at Sehun who has a hard look on his face. “Don’t.”

“It’s true.”

“No, it’s not. If you weren’t here, Xiangmin wouldn’t have you and do you know how much he loves having you around?”

Luhan looks at the ground instead of looking at Sehun’s face.

“Xiangmin thinks you’re the best dad in the whole world. His own appa. He thinks you’re cool for always getting in the playground with him even if security drags you out over and over again.”

Luhan manages a small laugh at that.

“He thinks you’re amazing for talking on the phone and using the computer and dress him up all at the same time. He thinks no one can drink more cups of coffee than you or eat breakfast as fast as you. He thinks no one can get a job done like you can and still have time for him. Or how, even if he knows you and his grandfather fight all the time, you still bring him over during Sundays.”

Luhan finds it hard to understand what Xiangmin sees in him sometimes for his son to love him so much. Now that Sehun is telling him all this, he realizes it has always been the little things.

“And do you know what else? He told me that he doesn’t mind not having a mom. Because you’re both a dad and a mom all in one package.”

Luhan presses his lips together to keep his mouth from trembling. But it’s no use. He breathes, choking back a sob. He has failed his son so many times but Xiangmin never saw that. Luhan doesn’t know what he had done to deserve him.

Sehun reaches out to squeeze his hand. Luhan lets him, finding his palm strong and warm. An anchor to the wave of emotions he’s feeling.

“If you weren’t here, he wouldn't have known you at all. Would you want that?”

Luhan shakes his head.

“Joohyun isn’t here anymore. But that’s not your fault.” Sehun continues. “And you can’t just let that stop you from going on with life.”

“I know.” Luhan says under his breath. “I know. I’m trying.”

“You can do it.” Luhan looks at him to find Sehun smiling. “You have a son that thinks the world of you. Give things a second chance.”

Luhan nods. Sehun is right. He can’t just feel this way every single time he thinks of Joohyun or of Xiangmin. He needs to live again. For his son’s sake. He needs to fix this family.

He had wondered earlier when he’ll be able to forgive himself.

Luhan looks up at the sky and sees it clear and blue. A clean slate.

He could start today.

 

 

 

The rest of the week turns hectic. The production team is now set to start the editing process since filming has ended. Luhan comes in everyday to check on the progress and work on schedules with Yixing for voice overs. Sometimes Jongdae brings Xiangmin over to his office after work so he doesn’t have to pick him up. He’s grateful for this because he needs to be at the studio all the time now.

Minseok’s faring quite well. He and Luhan have post-production anxieties but it’s nothing they can’t handle. In fact, Luhan feels it’s been awhile since he felt this productive. It’s like he’s getting his life back on track.

The production team he’s in charge of are skilled and fast that Luhan doesn’t need to worry about deadlines. By the third week, they’ve gotten two episodes done ahead of schedule. There’s still a lot of polishing to do but Luhan’s glad everything is moving smoothly.

Everything is turning out well. But if there’s one thing that’s truly bothering him at a time like this, it’s none other than his long-time non-existent guest at home. Sehun. Luhan has been distracted by a lot of things at work but when he comes home at the end of the day where there are no timelines and sequences to observe, he’s greeted with thoughts of Sehun. They aren’t bad thoughts. But they are thoughts he’s having a hard time trying to deal with.

Like how he’s hyper aware of his presence. He’s been aware of him ever since he’s made himself known, but it’s like it escalated even further. Like how close he presses behind him when he reaches for a glass from the cupboard for Xiangmin to use and Luhan is cooking something at the moment to get it himself. Or how the small gestures he make seem big to Luhan, like handing him things he needs without Luhan asking for it yet. It’s like he’s known Luhan from the amount of time he’s stayed over. It’s strangely comforting working around him, but quite unnerving too.

Work distracts him from thinking too much of it. Sehun is a great friend to him and his son. But Luhan also knows his son doesn’t look at Sehun the way he does. His son wouldn’t happen to feel so tense when Sehun pats him on the back. Xiangmin wouldn’t blush at every small compliment Sehun gives him. Xiangmin wouldn’t think of Sehun before he goes to bed. And Xiangmin wouldn’t definitely think about Sehun’s eyes and smile like the way he does all the time.

There’s also the part where he still can’t figure out why he’s still so familiar to him. After all these months, Sehun is still that familiar face yet someone he can’t recognize.

Work helps him get over these things. But then he’s diving into it that by the time the day ends, he’s exhausted. He’s driving home one night, Xiangmin seated in the back on his car seat with Sehun beside him. He’s having a hard time keeping up with the conversation Xiangmin started.

“Sunyoung-ssi said what?” Luhan asks, turning on another street.

“That there’s going to be a bring your pet to school day next week.” Xiangmin replies.

“But you don’t own a pet.”

“I know. That’s why I asked if I can have a panda.”

“Min-ah, you can’t own a panda.” Luhan sighs.

“But you just said I can have one earlier.”

“I did?”

Sehun laughs from the back. “Appa’s driving. He can’t focus.”

Xiangmin giggles and says in a hushed tone, “I should ask for two pandas.”

“I heard that.” Luhan says. Xiangmin and Sehun quietly laugh from behind.

Luhan shakes his head. Sometimes it feels like he has two children.

“Appa, will you come on Friday?”

Luhan tries to recall what his schedule is on Friday and what Xiangmin has on that day.

“What’s going on on Friday again?”

“The teacher said parents are coming.” Xiangmin answers. “I don’t know why.”

He’ll have to call Sunyoung tomorrow and ask whatever it is the school is having on Friday.

“Am I allowed to skip?” Luhan asks.

“Appa, you always skip.” Xiangmin reprimands.

Luhan chuckles. “I’m kidding. Let me move my schedule up on Friday.”

“Really?” Xiangmin sounds surprised at that. Luhan doesn't blame him. He never moves his work schedule unless it was extremely important. But Luhan had promised things were going to be different now. He promised to find balance and fix things.

“Really. I’ll check my schedule when we get home-”

“Luhan watch out!”

Luhan turns to his side at the sound of Sehun’s warning. He sees an oncoming car and swerves to avoid it. He hears Xiangmin scream behind him as the car heads for a post. Luhan steps on the breaks but it’s too late. He hits the post hard, airbag deploying in front of him and knocking him unconscious.

 

 

 

If he could close his eyes for a while longer, he would. His eyelids feel so heavy and his body feels numb from sleep. There’s something pounding inside his head too. He wants to stay still and drift off again. But something keeps nagging at his consciousness, forcing him to wake up.

Luhan blinks, getting his eyesight to focus. He’s not sure where he is but the lights are blinding. He feels uncomfortable, the sheets too hot and his position a bit cramped. His head throbs too. Luhan raises his hand to rub at his temples when Minseok’s face comes into view.

“Oh thank God you’re awake.” He says, sounding clearly relieved. He helps Luhan up so he can sit. When he does so, he winces. Every part of his body hurts, but it’s his shoulders and neck that hurt the most. It takes a while for Luhan to sit. When he finally does so, he recognizes he’s in the hospital and he sees Sehun on his other side, looking just as relieved as Minseok is.

Suddenly, he remembers everything. He remembers the accident. He remembers avoiding a car and hitting a post. He remembers the airbag deploying and Xiangmin-

Xiangmin.

Luhan scrambles to get off the bed.

“Luhan, you just woke up-” Minseok holds him down but Luhan fights back even if sharp shooting pains fill his body.

“Xiangmin. Where is he? I need to see him-”

“He’s fine. He’s alright.”

Luhan stops to look at Minseok. “He’s not…”

Minseok squeezes his hand. “No. He’s fine. He’s alive, Luhan. He’s completely okay.”

Luhan breathes, gasping hard as he clutches at Minseok’s hand. Relief doesn’t even begin to cut it. They just had an accident. Luhan doesn’t exactly have the fondest memories of car accidents. 

“Where is he?” Luhan asks. He turns to Sehun who had helped Minseok restrain him.

“With Joohyun’s parents. You were out for hours and we didn’t want him seeing you unconscious.” Minseok sits beside his feet. “You’re fine, though. The crash and the airbag just happened to knock you out.”

That explains the pain in his shoulders and neck. Luhan tries not to think of it so much since he still has a headache going on too.

“What happened?”

“You were on the wrong lane.” Minseok explains. “You were about to hit a car when you probably realized it and swerved to the side and hit a post.”

Luhan closes his eyes. He was tired that night. He should have crashed at the couch in his office with Xiangmin and went home the next day. What was he thinking, driving around like that? And with Xiangmin too.

“Your driver’s license is with the authorities. The car’s banged up front and I already sent it to be towed and fixed.

“They can have it for now.” Luhan rubs at his neck and opens his eyes. “I just want to get out of here and see Xiangmin.”

Minseok nods, getting off the bed. “I’ll call the nurse.”

“Thanks.”

Minseok leaves the room, leaving Luhan and Sehun alone. As soon as the door closes behind him, Sehun sits by his side.

“I’m fine.” Luhan says to appease the worried look on Sehun’s face. “What are you doing here? You should be with Xiangmin right now.”

“He’s asleep. He’s fine. And I was worried about you.”

“Well, I’m here. Minseok said I’m going to be okay.” Luhan gives a small smile, letting him know he’s really alright. But it doesn't seem to work. Sehun only has a hard look on his face. “What?”

Sehun shakes his head and lowers his gaze. “Nothing.”

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.” Luhan wonders why Sehun still looks worried and bothered.

“Just… Sometimes, it sucks being who I am. Unable to do anything.” Sehun’s voice is filled with disappointment. “I was just there, watching you slumped in your seat. All I could do was wait for help.”

Luhan imagines what that would’ve been like. How horrifying it must have been for him and for Xiangmin. It was his fault. He should’ve focused well on the road.

Luhan reaches for Sehun’s hand by his side.

“I’m glad you were there. Xiangmin was crying, wasn’t he?”

Sehun nods, still staring at the sheets.

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t make him look at you. I told him to just look at me instead. He wanted me to wake you up and I couldn’t.”

How terrified must Xiangmin be to experience such an accident. Luhan hates that he made his son worry again.

“I’m sorry,” Luhan apologizes sincerely. “And thank you.”

This has Sehun look at him. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You were there. I remembered. You warned me before it all happened. If you hadn’t…” Luhan doesn’t even dare think about it. “And Xiangmin wasn’t alone. He had you.”

Sehun smiles at that, a small sad smile. It doesn’t seem like Luhan convinced him of anything. Luhan can understand. It must be hard to exist in their eyes yet invisible to the whole world.

“You should go.” Luhan releases his hand, letting Sehun’s large palms slip from his.

“You don’t have anyone here right now.”

“I need you to be with Xiangmin. I know he has his grandparents, but I trust you can keep him from being lonely.”

Months ago, he had been in denial that Xiangmin was lonely. He had Luhan. He had his grandparents. He had Jongdae and his teachers and friends at school. But maybe Luhan hadn’t looked closer then. Xiangmin needs him in so many ways. But he can’t be with him right now. Sehun is the only one who can.

“I’ll come back to check on you.” Sehun promises, getting off the bed. Luhan chuckles.

“I’m a grown man, Sehun. I’ll be fine.”

Sehun only shakes his head in amusement. The door to his room opens and Minseok comes in, accompanied by a nurse. Luhan smiles at Sehun as a goodbye before the nurse blocks his view from him and starts checking on his condition.

Sehun is gone when the nurse steps around him. For a moment, Luhan feels so low and empty. The nurse is talking to him, telling him about his condition and how he feels and Luhan tries his best to answer coherently.

There are two people in the room with him. But he does wish it was Sehun who stayed.

 

 

 

He’s discharged immediately once the doctor deems Luhan well enough to leave. Minseok helps him process his papers to get his driver’s license back and then drives him to his in-laws’ place. 

“Thank you,” Luhan says to Minseok as he takes his seat belts off. “I owe you one. I owe you a lot.”

“You don’t owe me anything.” Minseok waves him off. “You sure you guys don’t need a ride home?”

Luhan shows him his phone. “I’ll call a cab.”

Minseok nods. Luhan gets off the car slowly, his upper body still feeling a bit mangled up.

“Hey, take it easy, alright? You don’t have to come in tomorrow.” Minseok reminds him. Luhan nods. He’ll take a day off.

Minseok leaves him and Luhan goes to ring the doorbell. He had called Joohyun’s mother earlier to let him know he’ll be picking Xiangmin up but she hadn’t answered. Luhan left a voicemail for her to call him back but Luhan waited and she hadn’t returned his calls either. Luhan had spent the rest of the day at the hospital and it’s almost nine in the evening. It’s been a long day and he just wants to see his son.

No one answers the gate. Luhan waits for a few more minutes before ringing the doorbell. When no one answers him a second time, Luhan rings it again, getting more impatient and worried.

Finally, the main door opens and Joohyun’s mother steps out. Luhan watches her walk towards the gates but stop midway, only to look at him.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s late. But I’m here to pick up Xiangmin.”

Joohyun’s mother only stares at him. Luhan doesn’t know why she won’t come any nearer.

“Xiangmin’s still awake, right? Can I come in? I can carry him if he’s asleep-”

“I can’t let you take him home.”

Luhan doesn’t think he heard that right. Joohyun’s mother is still far away from the gate. She has her arms wrapped around herself.

“My husband was right about you,” She says. “You’re not fit to take care of Xiangmin.”

Luhan steps closer to the gate, holding the bars in his hand.

“Omonim? What are you talking about? Where is Xiangmin?”

Joohyun’s mother shakes her head. She gives off a sound that Luhan recognizes are small sobs.

“I can’t give him to you.”

Panic builds up inside Luhan and he starts shaking the gate. “Let me in.”

Joohyun’s mother shakes her head again.

“He’s not safe with you.”

Luhan bangs the gates with his fists. He ignores the pain that comes with it and only shakes the gates harder.

“You can’t do this. Please, give me my son!”

“I don’t want to lose Xiangmin,” Joohyun’s mother sobs. “He’s the only thing that reminds us of Joohyun and because of you, he almost…”

Luhan can’t breathe. His son. Xiangmin is in there. He needs to see him. He needs to take him home. 

“Please.” Luhan begs. “It was an accident. Please let me take him home.”

“I’m sorry.” Joohyun’s mother shakes her head and turns around to head back inside. 

_No._ Luhan shakes the gate and calls out to her. She can’t do this. She can’t take his son away from him. He needs him. She can’t keep him from him.

Luhan rings the doorbell again and yells for Joohyun’s mother. His voice is hoarse and his fists hurt. But he won’t stop. He can’t leave without Xiangmin. He needs to take him home.

It was an accident, Luhan thinks over and over again. It was his fault but he swears it’s never going to happen again. He swears he’ll never put his son in danger. He loves him.

The main door opens again but this time, it’s Joohyun’s father who steps out. Luhan asks for Xiangmin again, not hiding the way he sounds so desperate.

“I’ll call the cops if you don’t stop banging on my gate and destroying my property.” He threatens. Luhan only ignores his warning.

“Please. Please give me my son back.”

“Go home, Luhan. We’ll see you in court.” Joohyun’s father only says before turning around too and heading inside, leaving Luhan alone.

He’s shaking. He doesn’t know what to do. Luhan stands there, mind completely blank at the thought of not having his son with him. He feels like he can't breathe. The panic inside him has turned into something more traumatizing. Like losing another loved one so soon and he can’t handle that.

He needs Xiangmin. He needs his son. He needs him home.

“Luhan,” Someone turns him around and shakes him away from his panic attacks. “Luhan, can you hear me?”

Luhan looks up to see Sehun shaking him.

“Xiangmin.” Luhan only manages to say.

“He’s okay. He’s asleep right now. But he’s fine.”

“I need to see him,” Luhan says. He feels like he’s in a daze. “I need to see my son.”

Sehun shakes his head. “You can’t. They won’t let you.” Sehun shakes him again. “Luhan, listen to me. You have to go home. You’re still in pretty bad shape.”

Luhan shakes his head. “Xiangmin.”

“You need to go home. You need to call a lawyer.”

A lawyer. Sehun’s right. He heard Joohyun’s father say he’ll see him in court. He can’t fight this alone.

Luhan calls Minseok first since he has no idea what to do or where to get a lawyer at the moment. Minseok answers on the first ring and Sehun has to help drag him away from his in-laws’ house while he tells Minseok what just happened as best as he can without breaking down in between. Minseok is shocked his in-laws would do this and tells him he knows someone who can help him. He’ll have to call him back but promises they’ll be able to work on it tomorrow morning.

“We’ll get Xiangmin back tomorrow.” Minseok promises. “Let me come over for now.”

“No,” Luhan can’t have Minseok over when he’s such a mess. He’s already done so much for him today. “Tomorrow. I can see you tomorrow.”

He doesn’t know how he got home. All he remembers is getting in a cab he had hailed and Sehun guiding him what to do. He doesn’t remember ever arriving in his apartment or getting the door open when he’s hands are shaking so much.

As soon as he’s inside, Luhan slumps to the ground, holding his knees in his chest. His head hurts. His body hurts. His heart feels like it’s breaking in two. He’s never felt this helpless before. He can’t think straight. His thoughts are filled with Xiangmin and the idea of losing him.

“Luhan,” Sehun is cupping his face in his hands, making him look at him. He’s all blurry. Luhan realizes he’s crying. “Luhan, you need to go to bed. You just got out from the hospital.”

“I can’t.” Luhan slowly sobs. “I need my son.”

“Yes, you can. Come on.”

Sehun helps him to his feet and Luhan lets him wrap an arm around him as he drags him to his room. Every thing he sees makes him miss Xiangmin. His coloring books. His toys. His spot on the bed.

Sehun gets him dressed for bed and helps him lie down. Sehun lies down beside him too, holding him close. Luhan has his back pressed to his chest. Sehun wraps his arms around him to keep him from shaking. But Luhan continues to sob quietly, thoughts of Xiangmin filling him and how empty the whole apartment feels without him by his side.

It takes awhile for sleep to come for him. It’s hard to fall asleep when he’s shaken up about this. But when it finally does, when his eyelids feel so heavy from crying, Luhan welcomes that moment of peace in the arms of his son’s imaginary friend. 

 

 

 

He wakes up groggy and hurt all over. The strain he got from the accident doesn’t subside overnight. If anything else, he feels much worse. Luhan opens his eyes so he can get off the bed and grab a couple of painkillers. But the moment he does so, he stops.

Sehun is with him on the bed. He’s right next to him, eyes closed and sleeping peacefully. Luhan has never seen him asleep. He’s always out and about by the time he wakes up. He’s never seen him this close either and Luhan stays in bed despite the pain to just stare at him.

Sehun has a sharp face. He has a striking jaw and piercing eyes that makes you lower your gaze and be careful not to be caught staring at them. But Luhan always stares at him when he’s not looking. He doesn’t hold his gaze for too long since those familiar eyes pull him in and it’s disconcerting to be lost in them. But now that he has them closed, Luhan stares all he wants.

He always wonders why he’s so familiar. Everytime he looks at Sehun, he remembers home. There are a couple of memories that remind him of him too but they don’t make sense. He remembers a field and a soccer ball. He remembers the feel of rain on his skin. He remembers the smell of laundry and his native tongue. Luhan grew up in Beijing and has lived there for fifteen years before coming to Seoul. He would recognize Sehun if he was someone he met from back home. But Luhan can’t remember him at all.

Luhan studies Sehun’s face as if he’s looking at him for the first time. He stares at the way his hair parts, his fringe half falling to his eyes. He stares at his eyebrows, his lashes and his cheeks. He stares at his nose, Luhan’s finger reaching out to lightly trace down the bridge. Luhan lowers his gaze to his lips, admiring how Sehun’s upper lip is thin and the bottom plump.

Sehun moves, his eyes fluttering open. It’s such a beautiful sight to see him waking up. Luhan watches his eyes still look dreamy and dazed. Until it focuses on him.

Sehun is beautiful. He’s a beautiful person inside and out. He’s this selfless person that Luhan wishes he existed because the world needs more of him. Luhan considers himself lucky. That of all the imaginary friends his son could have, it’s Sehun.

Sehun looks at him as if he’s studying him for the first time too. Luhan lowers his gaze so he doesn’t have to stare at those entrancing eyes. Luhan lets him study him, although he doubts Sehun will find the same thing Luhan saw in him. Luhan is not a beautiful person. He’s one broken human being. But somehow, he’s not ashamed for Sehun to see that.

He’s surprised when Sehun moves, leaning close until his lips brush his. It had been soft and quick, just long enough for Luhan to figure out what just happened. Sehun had kissed him and Luhan pulls back in surprise.

Sehun still has an arm wrapped around him, his palm pressing lightly at his back. It relaxes though, giving Luhan space to move away from him if he wants to.

“What are we doing?” Luhan asks, voice barely a whisper. He’s suddenly confused. He had allowed Sehun to sleep in his bed and hold him in his arms. He had looked at Sehun in a different light, finding him beautiful and attractive. Sehun had kissed him and he had pulled back, surprised but not horrified. He had wanted it for some reason and it’s all so confusing.

“I’m sorry.” Sehun apologizes. Luhan’s gut clenches to hear that. Had Sehun not meant it?

“Are you?” Luhan asks. Was Sehun sorry because he kissed him?

“No.” Sehun answers. Luhan doesn’t know why he’s relieved to hear that.

“Then don’t say you’re sorry. That just makes it seem like you didn’t want that too.”

It’s Sehun’s turn to look surprised. Luhan doesn’t blame him. He had wanted that kiss too.

“I did. For a while now. But I don’t know what came over me just now.”

Luhan wonders for how long. How long had Sehun wanted to kiss him? How long had Luhan wanted him to do that?

Luhan wants to ask. But a jacket by the door catches his eye. It’s Xiangmin’s. Xiangmin who’s still at his in-laws’ house. Xiangmin who he desperately needs to come home.

He pulls back from Sehun’s arms, sitting up. Sehun doesn’t seem offended he pulled away. He looks like he isn’t ready to talk about this too. Luhan has no time to deal with a kiss. He needs to get his son back.

Luhan showers, stowing the kiss at the back of his mind and focuses on the day ahead. Getting some sleep had done wonders although he still worries what’s going to happen today. He checks his messages as he changes. Minseok and a lawyer will be coming over in about an hour.

He emerges from the bathroom and finds Sehun gone. He could only be with Xiangmin who had probably woken up now. Luhan thinks it’s better he left for awhile. They can talk about what happened later. 

Minseok arrives on time with Seulgi who heard the news from him. With them is the lawyer Minseok promised. Kim Junmyeon is a man in his thirties and has dealt with a lot of cases like Luhan has. He’s an old friend of Minseok’s and is a warm, handsome gentleman who assures Luhan he’ll be able to get his son back today. Junmyeon briefs him about his rights, that he has more rights to keep his son over his in-laws. He promises him he’ll help him deal with the case, letting Luhan breathe easier.

Minseok drives them over to his in-laws’ to pick up Xiangmin. Luhan is a bundle of nerves and anxious to get his son back. Seulgi assures him it’ll be fine. Junmyeon came with them, reminding Luhan he has nothing to worry about. But Luhan can’t help it. He won’t be able to sit still unless he finally has his son.

His in-laws aren’t pleased to see Luhan when they find him ringing the doorbell. Joohyun’s mother stood behind her husband as they come out of the house. Apparently, they also have a lawyer with them. Their lawyer is an old family friend, one Luhan has seen once or twice on occasion. Luhan is nervous that this is getting serious, but Junmyeon squeezes his shoulder, telling him it’s going to be okay.

Junmyeon was right. His in-laws have no right to keep him away from his son and they have no choice but to give Xiangmin back to him. Luhan holds his tears back when Xiangmin emerges in his pajamas, looking confused at first with all these people standing outside. But then he sees Luhan and his eyes brighten as he rushes to greet him.

Luhan has held his son so many times, but not like this. As he carries him in his arms, Luhan tightens his hold on him, still keeping his tears at bay and telling him he’s so sorry he hadn’t picked him up sooner.

“Appa, are you okay?” Xiangmin asks, cupping Luhan’s face in his tiny hands. “They said you were at the hospital and halmeoni said I couldn’t go home.”

“I’m fine now, buddy.” Luhan kisses his forehead. “I’m sorry I worried you. We’re going home. I promise.”

Xiangmin wraps his arms around his neck. Luhan kisses the side of his head and turns to Minseok, Seulgi and Junmyeon, mouthing a thank you for getting his son back. 

Sehun is there watching them with a smile on his face. Luhan gives him a nod, letting him know how thankful he is for everything. Especially for keeping his son company while he wasn’t there.

“Min-ah, why don’t you go with Minseok hyung for a minute.” Luhan hands Xiangmin over to Minseok who keeps him company. Luhan has Junmyeon with him as he approaches his in-laws who are obviously displeased with this arrangement.

“I don’t want us to fight.” Luhan says to them. “Xiangmin is just a kid. Please, if you care for him at all, please drop the case.”

Joohyun’s parents don’t say anything. Luhan understands that they love Xiangmin just as much as he does and what he did had scared them. Luhan had scared himself too. He almost lost his son. But he knows they can work this out. They only have Xiangmin’s best interest at heart.

But they don’t say anything. It’s their lawyer who tells Junmyeon they’re to meet again to decide on a date for the hearing. Luhan’s heart breaks to know that Joohyun’s parents won’t drop the case. He can understand Joohyun’s father for putting up a fight. But it’s Joohyun’s mother he was banking on to give it up for the sake of keeping this family at peace.

They leave with only a schedule decided and Luhan expressing his worries over losing the case.

“You won’t.” Junmyeon promises him. “Like I said, you have more rights over them. We’ll go over the next steps tomorrow. For now, I want you to enjoy the day with your son.”

Luhan thanks Junmyeon for his help and watches him get in a cab. Minseok drives them both to the park where Xiangmin had asked if he can play on the swings just for a little while.

“Hang in there.” Minseok says as they both sit on the bench to watch Xiangmin play with Seulgi on the swings. It didn’t seem like yesterday’s events bothered him. Luhan is glad for that. His family fighting isn’t what Luhan wants him to experience at all. He’s had enough to deal with for just a five year old. Luhan swears he’ll protect him for the rest of his life.

“I almost lost him again.” Luhan says under his breath.

“You won’t this time.” Minseok places a hand on his shoulder. Luhan nods, grateful for the support.

Minseok and Seulgi bring them both home and stay for lunch until the day ends. They keep Luhan and Xiangmin company. Minseok tells him there’s not much to be done since production is coming along nicely. So he can stay with Xiangmin and focus on the hearing.

They leave after dinner and when they see Xiangmin yawn. It’s been a long day for him and Luhan thanks them for staying over. He sees them to the door, notices the way Minseok wraps an arm around Seulgi as they walk down the hallway. Luhan smiles to himself, glad that his friends are working out together just fine.

He gets Xiangmin ready for bed. Luhan doesn’t know if it’s because of what happened recently, but it’s like every little thing Xiangmin does makes him cherish it more. How he brushes his teeth and beams at Luhan when he’s all done. The way he washes his hands and places the towel on the rack, cleaning up after himself like a grown boy. When he hops over to the bed and fixes it so that Luhan can lie down next to him comfortably too. 

Xiangmin is like a ball of sunshine and Luhan is so happy to have him brightening up the room at a time like this.

Luhan leaves him to head to the kitchen to get Xiangmin’s milk he left behind. There he sees Sehun standing in the middle, as if waiting for him. He wasn’t with them throughout the day and Luhan only realizes that now when he feels so glad to see him.

“I didn’t want to bother the both of you.” Sehun explains.

“We’re about to head to bed,” Luhan says as he comes up to him. “You’re welcome to join us.”

Sehun smiles. “Next time. You two should spend some time together.”

Luhan nods. He had missed Sehun greatly today. He hadn’t realized how great his presence had been in their lives until he hadn’t seen him for just half the day.

Sehun is standing there so stiff that Luhan wonders if something happened to him. He looks bothered about something. But before he can ask, Sehun moves forward, his hand reaching up to cup his cheek and kisses him.

Unlike that morning, where it had only been a brush of their lips, this kiss has Luhan actually feel the press of his lips against his. Sehun is soft, his breath warm, and his touch so gentle on his face. Luhan isn’t surprised that he had kissed him again. If he were to be honest, he had _wanted_ Sehun to kiss him again. Just like this. Just as soft and gentle like this.

Luhan is about to kiss him back when Sehun steps away. Luhan looks at him puzzled. Sehun was the one who initiated the kiss yet the way he looks right now seems like he regretted it. He looks torn about something Luhan can’t understand.

“We should talk about this.” Luhan looks up at him. Sehun meets his eyes and nods.

“I know. But not now.” Sehun looks at the direction where Luhan’s bedroom is and where Xiangmin is waiting for him.

Luhan nods in agreement. “Not now.”

He grabs the glass of milk he left earlier and turns to leave when Sehun takes his hand. He looks apologetic, something Luhan can’t understand since he hasn’t done anything wrong.

Luhan squeezes his hand, a gentle reminder that everything’s fine. They can talk about this tomorrow. They can work whatever this is out.

Luhan heads back to his room and stands by the doorway to look at Xiangmin who is raising a book and smiling at him.

“Appa, can you read to me?”

Luhan smiles back. “Sure.”

Luhan enters his room but does look back to check on Sehun. He only finds the kitchen empty and Sehun gone.

 

 

 

Preparing for a case and a hearing is nerve wracking. Luhan meets with Junmyeon all the time to discuss how they’re going to go about things in court. Junmyeon advises Luhan to be prepared since past scenarios can be brought up. But they still have a strong case and that he has nothing to worry about.

Luhan never lets Xiangmin out of his sight. He makes sure to bring him to school and be there to pick him up himself. He’s always anxious whenever Xiangmin isn’t with him. He’s scared that for every minute he isn’t with him, Joohyun’s parents might take him away again.

On the rare occasion that Luhan can’t be there to pick him up, it’s Jongdae that does so. Jongdae brings him to his office so they can head home together. Most nights, Baekhyun, Jongdae, Minseok and Seulgi join them for dinner. Luhan doesn’t stay for long though. He still doesn’t have his car back but he’s fine with it. Not having a car lets him go home early and set all his traveling time scheduled.

He hasn’t seen Sehun in two weeks.

Sehun hasn’t shown up after that night he kissed him in his kitchen. Luhan always wondered where he went. But with the case looming above his head, meeting Junmyeon every day and working at the same time, he has no choice but to stop worrying over Sehun and focus on Xiangmin. He trusts Sehun can take care of himself. But he also wishes he’d show up because Luhan misses and worries about him too.

He still doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings for him. He has never kissed a guy. He’s dated women all his life. To be attracted to the same sex was new to him but not at all strange. He always thought he was straight. But now that he keeps on looking at Sehun in this new light, Luhan realizes he still has a lot of things to learn about himself.

One particular afternoon, Jongdae asks Luhan if he knows who Sehun is. This had surprised him. They’re in Luhan’s office, Jongdae sitting on his couch with Xiangmin asleep on his lap. Luhan stares at Jongdae for a full minute before realizing Jongdae is staring at him funny.

“What?” Luhan asks him again, just to be sure. 

“Sehun. Do you know who he is?”

Luhan’s heart starts beating fast at that. Could it be that someone else knows who Sehun is? Could it be that Sehun did exist?

“Why do you ask?” Luhan says, awaiting Jongdae’s response.

“Xiangmin keeps on looking for him. Just the other day, Xiangmin went around his school’s playground calling out his name. And just last week, he kept asking me if I had seen Sehun and if I knew where he was.”

Luhan doesn’t know whether to find this reassuring. Xiangmin doesn’t mention Sehun to him or ask him where he is. But apparently, he’s been looking for him too. Sehun hasn’t been showing himself to Xiangmin either like Luhan thought he was. When he leaves him at school, Luhan always thought Sehun was with him. But he hasn’t been around him either.

“He’s a friend.” Luhan answers Jongdae.

“Oh. Have I met him before?” Jongdae asks.

Luhan shakes his head.

He’s worried. But then he sees the folder filled with papers for his hearing tomorrow. Junmyeon said to go over them one more time tonight. He can’t afford to think about something else. Sehun can wait.

Luhan invites Jongdae over for dinner. He then stays around to keep Xiangmin company and work on his research project while Luhan does the laundry. Jongdae leaves afterwards when he’s done and wishes him well on tomorrow’s case.

“Minseok said Junmyeon is a good lawyer. You have nothing to worry about.” 

Luhan thanks him for that, promises to see him tomorrow after the hearing and bids him a goodnight as he sees him to the door.

Xiangmin is already dressed for bed when Luhan comes back. Luhan watches him play around for awhile before he showers, smiling to himself when he sees him hiding under the covers, pretending that there’s a dinosaur out there.

When he’s done showering, Luhan grabs one of his bedtime story books on the way to the bed. Xiangmin doesn’t ask to be read to anymore. Luhan beats him to it anyway. Sometimes, he teaches him how to read. Just short simple words. There’s always a huge smile on his face Luhan likes seeing when he gets a word right.

“Which one do you want to read tonight?” Luhan asks, flipping the book open.

“Peter Pan!” Xiangmin exclaims excitedly.

“Alright. Let’s start-”

Xiangmin’s eyes suddenly widen as he stares at the door way. “Hyung!”

Luhan looks up to find Sehun leaning against the doorway, arms crossed in front of him while smiling at the both of them. Luhan’s breath hitches at the sight of him. He doesn’t know how long he had been standing there. He looks the same as always, dressed in his jeans and plaid shirt. But the sight of him sends something fluttering in Luhan’s stomach.

Xiangmin pushes the covers off of him, jumps off the bed and runs to Sehun. Sehun catches him, laughing as Xiangmin hugs him tight. He then carries him so he can look at Xiangmin better.

“Where did you go?” Xiangmin asks.

“I had a few things to take care of. What are you doing still up?” Sehun asks. The sound of his voice brings such sweet relief to Luhan’s ears. Sehun looks fine. Luhan’s glad. He probably already dealt with whatever happened to him the last time they met. He no longer looks bothered by it.

“Appa was about to read to me.” Xiangmin explains. “Would you like to join us?”

Sehun looks at Luhan. Luhan only scoots to the side of the bed in reply, so Sehun has space to slip in beside Xiangmin. Sehun carries Xiangmin over, gets inside the covers with him and looks at Luhan to let him know he can start.

Luhan always reads to Xiangmin in bed. It’s not new for Sehun to join them. But that night, Luhan’s voice trembles a little as he tells the story of the children seeing Peter Pan for the first time. Sehun helps him and they both take turns reading to Xiangmin. Luhan is overwhelmed by a lot of things at the moment. Having Xiangmin by his side, enjoying a normal night to themselves. Thinking about the hearing tomorrow and how this could either be the last night he has with his son or the start of many nights more. That Sehun is here after so long and how much his presence means to him at a time like this.

They stop just when Peter Pan has to fight Captain Hook because Xiangmin has fallen asleep. Luhan closes the book and keeps it away. His eyes meet Sehun’s across the top of Xiangmin’s head and they both slip out of the covers to talk outside. They move as quietly as possible without jostling Xiangmin.

Luhan closes the door silently behind him. Sehun has his back to him and turns around to speak. But before he could do so, it’s Luhan who comes up to him this time and kisses him. Sehun catches him, arms coiling around his waist, bringing him closer as he responds to his kiss. Luhan’s stomach clenches at how much he wants this. It’s been so long since he’s kissed someone like this and to be reminded of how it feels like makes him want it more.

Sehun pulls him closer, mouth opening for him eagerly. Luhan lets him push him up against the wall. Their chests meet, and Luhan wonders if Sehun can feel his heart frantically beating.

He feels delirious. Sehun’s touch feels too hot despite the layer of clothing he wears. The small gasping noises they make sends his heartbeat quickening. Luhan feels something rush down his stomach as Sehun grunts, pressing himself closer to him.

Luhan reluctantly pulls away to breathe. Sehun pulls back too, but only to press his forehead against his. They’re both gasping, catching their breaths. Luhan hadn’t realized he’s been clutching at the front of Sehun’s shirt, fists clenched tight to keep him from breaking away.

“You were about to say something,” Luhan says to him, reminding him what he wanted to do earlier before he kissed him. 

It takes awhile for him to say it. Luhan lets him take his time. He just stares at Sehun, his hands still clutched at his shirt while Sehun has a light grasp on his waist.

“I’m leaving.” He finally says. Luhan doesn’t think he needed to say that. He left before and he hadn’t said anything. Luhan waits for him to say when he’ll be back. But when he doesn’t say anything else, it finally dawns on Luhan what he really meant.

“You’re joking, right?”

Sehun looks at him apologetically before lowering his head. “No.”

Luhan feels like he was just slapped on the face and he pushes him away from him.

“Well at least you came back to tell me this.” Luhan glares at him. 

“I’m sorry.” Sehun apologizes.

Luhan paces around the living room, taking in this piece of information.

“Why?” Luhan stops to look at him, his voice coming out hard.

Sehun stares at Luhan’s bedroom door.

“My purpose here is done.” 

“What?”

“Xiangmin no longer needs me.”

Luhan points at the door to his bedroom.

“He’s been asking for you for weeks.”

Sehun shakes his head. “That’s different.”

“How is it different?”

“A child his age will forget about his imaginary friend in months. It won’t matter if I show up or not anymore.”

“How can you say that?” Luhan can’t understand why Sehun is saying these things.

“You’re here.” Sehun says to him. “You have your full attention on Xiangmin. That’s something he’s always wanted from you.”

Luhan turns away from him, knowing how Sehun was right all along.

“He has it, Luhan.” Sehun says loud and clear. “Everything you’ve been doing these days, picking him up on time, listening to him when he talks, playing with him when he wants you to, _fighting_ for him.” Luhan closes his eyes and wraps his arms around himself. “He doesn’t need me anymore, Luhan. He’s no longer lonely.”

This is why he was here. From the very beginning, Sehun told him he existed because his son needed him. Because he was lonely. And Luhan hated his very existence because he never wanted his son to feel that way. 

Now, Xiangmin is no longer lonely. Xiangmin no longer needs his imaginary friend.

Luhan shakes his head and turns to look at Sehun.

“He needs you. He needs someone to talk about ridiculous things with. I can’t do that. I don’t know how. He needs someone to play with him. He feels safe when you’re with him. I- I need _you_.” Luhan gasps, this realization hitting him hard. “We both need you.”

Sehun nears him and holds his face in his hands. Luhan only shakes his head, pushing him away.

“Don’t.” Luhan says but Sehun doesn’t move away and only continues to hold him. Luhan clutches the front of his shirt again but not to keep him close. He doesn’t want him any nearer. Because Luhan is afraid if he does so, he might hold on to him and want Sehun to stay.

“I’m sorry.” Sehun whispers, pleading.

“Don’t. If you’re not going to come back, don’t.”

He can’t do this to them. Sehun can’t just come into their lives and change it around so much and then leave. Sehun can’t just make him fall in love with him and then break his heart too.

Sehun nods, accepting things and slowly releases his hold on him. There’s a painful lump in Luhan’s throat as Sehun backs away, until Luhan no longer has his shirt in his hands.

Sehun walks away. But he turns back to him before he can leave through the front door. Of all the times he’s just disappeared out of thin air, he chooses to leave like a human being now. He has to remind Luhan of the way he has come to seen him. That Sehun is human despite him being invisible.

“You two weren’t just a job to me.” Sehun says and Luhan wishes he hadn’t said it. It just makes things worse. 

When the door closes, Luhan finally lets out the tears he had been holding back and cries.

He had been too preoccupied in making Xiangmin feel that he wasn’t lonely when in truth, it was Luhan that was actually the one feeling it.

 

 

 

They win the case.

Junmyeon had been right about the case being in their favor. Luhan had more rights as the father than Joohyun’s parents. Joohyun’s father hadn’t taken it very well as he spewed more of Luhan’s inability to take care of his grandson. Joohyun’s mother, on the other hand, accepted it quietly.

Luhan celebrates the success of the case by treating Junmyeon and the rest of his friends to Xiangmin’s favorite pizza parlor. Xiangmin is with them. Jongdae brought him over afterwards since Luhan hadn’t wanted him around during the hearing. Xiangmin had asked why everyone came over since it’s not his birthday. Baekhyun had laughed at that and jumped in the ball pool to keep Xiangmin from asking any more questions, dragging a reluctant Minseok with him. The rest of them watched, laughing as security kicked them out right after.

That night, Luhan hugged Xiangmin to sleep, relieved that he has his son to hold on to for every night to come. Everything that had happened to him served as a wake up call. Joohyun’s death. Raising Xiangmin by himself. The accident. Fighting for his son. Luhan found this whole ordeal a huge lesson learned.

Even Sehun.

He really left. Sehun hasn’t showed himself to Xiangmin or to Luhan after that night. Luhan had stayed angry at him for leaving. But after dealing with the case and having life go back to normal, Luhan realized it was a waste of time and energy to stay angry at a person who was never coming back.

It really did feel like he was gone. Even Xiangmin never asks about him. Not even to Jongdae. Luhan would look over at Xiangmin sometimes when he’s playing, wondering if Sehun has become invisible only to him and that Xiangmin still played with him. But Xiangmin only played by himself or makes sure it’s a game he and Luhan can play. Sunyoung has even emailed Luhan to let him know that Xiangmin always takes the first step these days in interacting with the other kids in class. She was so happy to see this change from him. Sehun was right, his son no longer felt lonely.

Sehun’s existence was part of that lesson Luhan learned. Through him, Luhan learned that his son needed a father. He learned what forgiveness meant. He also learned to let go and to feel things that he thought he’d never feel again. That it was possible to still fall in love with someone after Joohyun and it wouldn’t be such an awful thing to experience all over again. He learned all this gradually. But unlike the rest where everything he learned turned out for the better, this was the only lesson that took a huge chunk out of Luhan’s heart and left it as it is.

It should be funny. Sehun never existed. And yet, his non-existent presence changed his life. It’s like one big joke played on Luhan’s heart. And Luhan has no choice but to go on with life, carrying all this with him.

The editing process for Luhan and Minseok’s new drama finally ends and they’re able to air it as scheduled on national television. It felt great to see something he helped produce showing on everyone’s tv screens. The ratings are good, something Luhan had been anxious about. It was the best comeback for Luhan and Minseok after a long while.

Luhan files his leave when the drama nears it’s completion. He plans it three months ahead since he still has work to do and Xiangmin still has school. They’re going to Busan for the weekend since Xiangmin had always wanted to see the aquarium. Luhan keeps himself busy so when the time comes for them to leave, he barely has anything left to do.

Luhan doesn’t drive still. His car is parked in his building’s parking lot waiting to be used. It’s not that Luhan is afraid of it. But he has come to enjoy commuting and teaching his son all about it along the way. He enjoys watching Xiangmin use their commute cards and offer his seat to the elderly. He likes that Xiangmin can point out directions now. Luhan gets all emotional seeing his son grow up, something Seulgi and the rest like to tease him about. 

Their trip to Busan is just what Luhan needed. It was a break from everything Luhan dealt with in the past few months. He takes Xiangmin to the beach, to which Xiangmin instantly falls in love with. Luhan had a hard time convincing him that they had to go back to their hotel afterwards since it was getting late. Xiangmin also loved the aquarium and had even asked Luhan if they could just move here instead. Luhan only promised him they’ll come back and maybe even bring Jongdae and the rest with them too.

“Do we really have to leave tomorrow?” Xiangmin asks him as Luhan tucks him under the covers. The weekend flew by too fast. Their scheduled flight back to Seoul is in the morning and Luhan wants Xiangmin to sleep early so they don’t miss the plane.

Luhan chuckles, brushing the hair away from Xiangmin’s eyes.

“Yes we do. But we’ll come back.” Luhan promises.

“Appa, can you tell me a story?”

Luhan looks around his bed. “I don’t think we brought any of your books.”

“You can tell me something different.”

Luhan leans closer to him, slipping his feet under the blankets.

“Like what?”

“Like if I have a mommy.”

Luhan looks at Xiangmin in surprise. Xiangmin never asked him about Joohyun. He’s not even sure if his son can remember her. 

But as he looks at Xiangmin carefully, shoulders closing in on him and his small hands curled around the edges of the blankets tight, he realizes this was a question he’s put off asking. He seems scared. That he had asked something he shouldn’t. Because Luhan always seemed to lash out at him when he brought her up.

Luhan reaches to hold Xiangmin’s hand, letting him release his hold on the blankets. He rubs his palms in his, letting him know that Luhan isn’t angry with his question.

“Of course. You wouldn’t be here without her.” Luhan watches as Xiangmin slowly moves up the bed, interested at Luhan’s reply.

“Where is she?” He asks.

“She died when you were very little.”

Luhan knows Xiangmin understands the concept of death. He’s seen the flowers in his grandfather’s garden wilt and die. He’s had a pet goldfish before that died as well and Luhan had explained it carefully to him where they go afterwards.

Xiangmin doesn’t ask how Joohyun died to which Luhan is thankful for.

“Was she pretty?” He asks instead. Luhan laughs, nodding his head.

“Very pretty. She had the most beautiful hair and the nicest smile.” Luhan tips Xiangmin’s chip up to him. “You know how everyone says you look like me?” Xiangmin nods. “Well, not most of me. You have her eyes.”

Xiangmin blinks up at him and Luhan is transported back in time to the days Joohyun used to look at him like that. There’s no longer a tug in Luhan’s heart when he thinks about her. Instead, there’s just this soothing memory that makes him grateful he knew, loved and married a person like her.

“I wish I knew her.” Xiangmin says to him.

Luhan nods. He wished that too. 

“She loved you very much.”

Children are amazing. They don’t care how much you’ve done them wrong and still manage to forgive you. Luhan has kept Joohyun from him in so long and he doesn’t hate him for it. Xiangmin is satisfied just knowing such a small information about her and he lies comfortably back in bed afterwards.

“Good night, appa. I love you.”

Luhan smiles and kisses his son.

“I love you too, Min-ah.”

 

 

 

They drop by the beach one last time before heading to the airport. Xiangmin insisted he needed to take a couple of shells back home. They barely make it in time for their flight, Luhan only managing to catch up with his breath when they’re seated on the plane.

“We have to bring Minseok hyung next time. And Jongdae hyung too.” Xiangmin says as he looks out from the window, waving goodbye to the Busan scenery.

“We’ll tell them. I’m sure they’d love to come with us.”

“And Sehun too. He told me he likes the beach.”

Luhan looks at the back of Xiangmin’s head. That’s the the first time he’s heard Xiangmin mention Sehun in such a long time. Shouldn’t he have forgotten him by now? Sehun had said Xiangmin would forget all about him someday. Why hasn’t he?

Xiangmin looks away from the window to look at Luhan.

“I miss Sehun.”

Luhan feels his heart ache at his name being said out loud. He hadn’t realized how mentioning his name can still have this effect on him. He tried moving on. But it’s taking a long time for some of the things he has done to heal.

“Hyung, Min-ah.” Luhan says, hiding the discomfort he feels at the moment. “You forgot the hyung.”

Xiangmin nods. “I miss Sehun hyung.”

Luhan breathes, gathering his senses. “I do too.”

He misses Sehun. And it sort of makes him feel better to admit that out loud.

“When is he visiting?” Xiangmin asks, his question so innocent that Luhan can’t help but lie so he doesn’t disappoint him.

“I’m not sure. Maybe he’s busy with something?”

Xiangmin nods, looking back at the view that had turned into a sea of clouds.

They arrive in just under an hour and Luhan picks up lunch on the way so they can eat at home. The trip had been relaxing but Luhan does feel exhausted after all that. It’s good to be home and he’s looking forward to the new project Minseok emailed him about that’s waiting on his table when he gets back to work.

“Can we go to the park after this?” Xiangmin asks excitedly. The trip hadn’t made him exhausted. Xiangmin has been jumping up and down and bouncing on his heels after they got off the plane, already looking forward to the next trip Luhan promised even if he had made it clear it won’t be after another long time.

“Appa’s really tired right now.” Luhan reasons out, dragging their luggage behind him while Xiangmin carries their lunch.

“Tomorrow then? Or tonight?”

“Definitely not tomorrow or tonight. How about this weekend?”

“Yay!”

“Min-ah, can you keep your voice down for the neighbors?” Luhan motions around them.

Xiangmin claps his hands over his mouth and giggles. “Sorry.” Luhan takes his keys out from his pockets when a sudden gasp from Xiangmin has Luhan turn to him instead.

“What?” He asks.

“Hyung!”

Luhan watches as Xiangmin drops their lunch on the ground and runs. Luhan turns around to see where he went off to when he finds Sehun standing on the doorway next to his, arms outstretched to welcome Xiangmin. He carries him in his arms, smiling as Xiangmin scrambles to throw his arms around his neck.

Luhan doesn’t know if the exhaustion from the trip is playing tricks on him. Sehun is standing right there with Xiangmin in his arms. He’s not wearing his usual jeans and plaid shirt but a different set of clothes. He doesn’t look that much different but he’s also not supposed to be here that Luhan doesn’t know what to take in at the moment.

“Where were you?” Xiangmin pouts. 

“I went home. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Sehun explains. His voice is still how Luhan remembers it. How long has it been since he last heard his voice? How long has it been since he stood at his apartment and told him he was going to leave?

“Excuse me,” Someone says behind Luhan. Luhan steps aside as movers haul in boxes inside the doorway where Sehun is standing. Sehun thanks them when they’re done and the movers ask him to sign a few things. Sehun takes a pen and signs on the papers they handed him and tips them.

Luhan stares at this exchange in astonishment. Luhan isn’t the only one who can see him. Sehun talked to them. The movers saw him. Does this mean…

“We brought food.” Xiangmin speaks up. “Come eat with us. I’ll show you all the pictures we took at the beach.”

Sehun nods and looks at Luhan, his eyes meeting his. Luhan can't seem to breathe as he stares at him. This can’t be real.

“Is it alright if I come in?” Sehun asks him, motioning to Luhan’s apartment. Luhan can’t speak but finds himself nodding.

Their lunch is a bunch of messed up and turned over kimbap rolls and dumplings since Xiangmin dropped the containers earlier. But they all eat it anyway. All of them. Luhan, Xiangmin and Sehun. Luhan doesn’t understand why Sehun had picked up a pair of chopsticks, grabbed a dumpling and ate it. He doesn’t understand why Sehun is sitting in front of him, listening to Xiangmin go on and on about their trip. Luhan just can’t understand why he’s here.

For a moment, Luhan fears that Xiangmin is feeling lonely again. Because that’s the only reason Luhan can think of as to why Sehun is here. That he came back because Luhan did it again and neglected his son. But Sehun is also eating. And Sehun _never_ eats. Everything about this doesn’t make sense.

Xiangmin drags Sehun with him to his room after they’re done eating so he can show him the seashells he brought. But Luhan stops him, telling him he needs to take a bath.

“Can Sehun hyung come with me?” Xiangmin asks. This wasn’t a strange request. Sehun always accompanies Xiangmin to the bathroom with him. 

“I need to talk to your appa.” Sehun says. Luhan looks at him from across the table but Sehun has his eyes on Xiangmin’s.

“Oh.” Xiangmin returns to his seat. “Then I’ll wait for you to finish.”

Sehun smiles. “I was kind of hoping I could talk to him alone.”

Luhan doesn’t want that. He wants Xiangmin to be here to keep him sane.

“You’ll still be here when I come back, right?” Xiangmin asks. “You're not going anywhere?”

Sehun ruffles Xiangmin’s hair and crouches down to level his eyes with his.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m right next door, remember?”

This has Xiangmin beam up at him, his eyes shining brightly at that. He nods, hopping off his chair, and heads to the bathroom leaving Luhan alone with Sehun.

Luhan stares at Sehun, waiting for him to talk. But he only stands up, picks up the empty packages and throws them on the bin. He then starts to clean the plates and utensils.

“Do I have to ask for an explanation?” Luhan finally manages to say. He’s impatient. He has every right to be. Sehun left them. He left Xiangmin without a goodbye. He left Luhan after telling him he and his son weren’t just a job. He left him with that gaping hole in his heart, one Luhan had accepted that it would remain that way. But he’s here now and he can’t help but expect things from him. And he doesn’t want that. He doesn't want to rely on Sehun again no matter how much he wants to.

Sehun stops washing the plates, rinses his hands and turns to him.

“I wanted to be here.” He explains, drying his hands on a towel. “I asked if I could. But they said no.”

They. Luhan can only expect it was the higher ups Sehun used to talk about.

“But the thing is, we have a system.” Sehun continues. “And let’s just say I’ve been doing this for a thousand years and I have enough leave credits, in a way.”

“Leave credits,” Luhan gives a humorless laugh. “That just means you’re going back.”

Who was Luhan kidding? Of course it was all too good to be true.

“Leave credits convertible to something more… permanent.” Sehun comes up to him. He’s just inches away from him and Luhan’s stomach is twisting in anticipation.

“What are you trying to say?” Luhan says under his breath.

“That I’m staying,” Sehun says, his words ringing in Luhan’s ears. “I love doing what I do. But it’s been years. Thousands of years.” Sehun raises a hand to touch his cheek. Luhan feels his breath hitch at that. “I want to do this. I want to be real now.”

Luhan doesn’t believe him. He doesn’t want to believe him. But his body betrays him as he leans into his touch. Luhan still doesn't know what to make of all this. Sehun finally becoming real. Sehun finally staying. This last part of the lesson he learned finally turning out okay.

“If I’m too late…” Sehun starts.

“No,” Luhan looks at him. “You’re not.”

He has Sehun here with him. It still hasn’t sunk in. And even if he’s still apprehensive about things, even if he is scared where this might go, Luhan wants to take this chance. He has always been scared. But he can’t shake off his intuition that tells him it’s going to be okay.

Maybe he really is insane.

Sehun’s smile is still as breathtaking as Luhan remembered. He’s not sure if it’s because he’s finally real, but it makes him even more beautiful.

“Okay.” Sehun nods. He looks flustered and relieved. Luhan finds it cute. “Alright. I just wanted to be sure.”

Luhan nods as well, stepping back since Sehun is starting to clean up again, wiping the table and cleaning up what’s left of their meal.

Luhan stands there, still in disbelief at the whole thing.

“So that’s it? Did you expect I’d just forgive you though-”

Sehun drops the towel where he had wiped his hands clean and comes up to him. He takes his face in his hands and kisses him, Luhan taking his kiss like he had waited for it the moment he saw him outside the door. This is the third time he’s kissed Sehun. Yet it still feels like he’s kissing him for the first time. He’s in Sehun’s arms, wondering if he should give in to the man who was there for him but also left him. He wonders if he should give in and learn to forgive just like how he taught him. He wonders if he should allow himself to fall in love just one more time.

Sehun presses against him, his lips relentless and his touch so gentle.

Luhan decided to give in.

 

 

 

If Luhan were to watch his life like it was on tape, he’d play it from the start and watch it until the present. No pauses. No rewinds. No skips. He’d watch it, even the sad parts, because those were the most important ones. It didn’t mean that he had to forget them. They were reminders for Luhan to cherish his loved ones more and more each day.

He’s happy. For the first time in a very long while, Luhan feels happy. He has his friends and son to thank. And Sehun too. Sehun who has become more than just his son’s imaginary friend to the person Luhan didn’t think he’d ever fall in love with.

Sehun is adjusting to his life as a human being. It’s much different than the life he used to live. For starters, he has to eat and walk through doors and learn how to interact with adults. Although the catch for saying goodbye to his life as an imaginary friend is that his first job would have to be working with kids or else they’ll revoke his new found freedom. But that didn’t seem to be a problem. An orphanage closest to them was in need of someone to help around and Sehun took the job. He loves working with kids so this arrangement was the perfect job for him.

Xiangmin went with him to work once. He wanted to see where Sehun worked at and what an orphanage was. He came home that afternoon and Luhan was so surprised when Xiangmin hugged him the moment he stepped through the door. Luhan asked him how his visit went and Xiangmin had teared up because there were all these nice children and they didn’t have mommies or daddies. He asked Luhan if he can spend afternoons after school at Sehun’s workplace to play with them. Sehun had said it was okay so Luhan let him.

Luhan and Minseok are handed a new project to work with again and this time, Luhan is no longer anxious about it. He and Minseok have fun with it, just like the old times. He’s busy and completely loaded with production. But Luhan is able to find his balance now.

He also fixed things with his in-laws. Joohyun’s father still hasn’t forgiven him. But his wife did. Joohyun’s mother had made the call one night, asking if she could come over to see her grandson. It was Luhan who brought Xiangmin to them. He had been anxious at first. But they gave Xiangmin back at the end of the day that Luhan thinks it’s alright to come visit every Sundays again.

The life he’s living is so strange to him and still too good to be true. He has time he’s learned to manage and share with his son and his work. He comes home to arms that open up and wrap around him and kisses that make him laugh. It’s strange because he’s living a life he has only seen in movies. A good life is something he had once and never expected to have it again. But here he is, waking up everyday and living it.

Some things don’t change. Like Sehun still there with them, encouraging all the silly things Xiangmin does. He plays with him like always and his presence fills his household like he hadn’t even left. It’s just that he’s real now, something Luhan still can’t believe sometimes.

His apartment had been just a space where he goes to sleep, eat and shower. It had never felt like home. But everyday, Luhan sees Xiangmin and Sehun play around the living room. Everyday, Xiangmin wakes him up and laughs at Luhan with drool on his mouth. Everyday, Sehun comes over and brings dinners with him so they can all eat it around the table together.

It feels strange. A good kind of strange. Because now, his apartment feels like home.

 

 

 

Board game nights are a new thing. It’s always on Thursdays where Luhan’s friends come over. It was Sehun’s idea and a way for Xiangmin to learn new stuff while they were all hanging out.

His friends meet Sehun for the first time just two weeks after Sehun finally settled in. Sehun had to pretend he didn’t know all of them already and it had been quite a night, Luhan laughing behind his glass every time Sehun accidentally revealed stuff about them that he couldn’t possibly have known since it was the first time he just met them.

Everyone liked him. Luhan doesn’t tell his friends yet that they’re seeing each other. But Luhan thinks Seulgi caught on and she had hugged him as they left, telling him vaguely it’s about time and that he deserves this, before leaving him with a smile.

One particular Thursday night, Luhan is left with just Sehun and Xiangmin since the rest had schedules they couldn't get out of. It doesn’t stop Sehun from taking out another board game and the three of them play in the middle of the living room. They play Scrabble since it’s easy for Xiangmin and it helps him learn how to form words and read them.

Sehun’s behind after half an hour of playing. He has the worst luck, his own letters too difficult to form or there’s a tile missing. Xiangmin is way ahead of them and Luhan, not really caring who wins, cheers him on.

They break for a while since Xiangmin has to use the bathroom. Sehun nudges him on the side when he leaves, asking Luhan to cut Xiangmin some slack and not use such big words.

“ _Priorities_ isn’t a big word,” Luhan laughs. “You’re just bitter because you don’t have good words.”

“I do too!” Sehun shows him his tiles and Luhan laughs again at how easy they are. He points out every single one of them and Sehun finally concedes, pouting.

Luhan shakes his head in amusement. “Why did you even bring this game with you.”

“The kids at the orphanage loved it. And I thought I’d try it out- Luhan, stop laughing at me!”

Luhan can’t help it. Sehun is just too cute. He has a pout on his face that Luhan can’t help but wipe off by pulling him close and kissing him naturally. Sehun laughs, kissing him back.

“Appa?”

Luhan and Sehun quickly pull apart to see Xiangmin standing in front of him, his eyes widening at what he just saw. Luhan’s heart hammers in his chest. He and Sehun were always careful. They always kept their hands to each other and were careful of how they showed their affection in public. They hadn’t talked to Xiangmin about the two of them. He should’ve. Because now, the look that Xiangmin is giving him makes Luhan feel guilty that he hadn’t told his son about this.

“Xiangmin,” Luhan starts, getting up from his seat. “Let me explain-”

Xiangmin doesn’t give him a chance to do so. He turns around and heads to his room, ending their board game right there.

Luhan sighs when he hears his bedroom door slam shut. They should’ve been more careful. They never fooled around inside the house. It was an unspoken rule and something Luhan was glad Sehun understood. 

“He’s mad at me.” Luhan says nervously, staring at Xiangmin’s closed bedroom door.

“At us,” Sehun rephrases. “It’s not just you.”

“Can you still go through doors and take a look?” Luhan asks desperately. Sehun only rubs his back in sympathy.

“I should go talk to him.” Luhan heads to his son’s room when Sehun holds him back. Luhan turns to look at him and sees him give a reassuring smile.

“Give him time.”

Luhan knows he’s right. He nods, picking up their empty plates and glasses instead so he can keep himself busy. Sehun cleans up behind him too. Luhan doesn’t have to ask to know that Sehun is worried about this as well. He keeps on glancing at Xiangmin’s door, waiting for it to open.

When they’re done with everything, Luhan paces in front of Xiangmin’s room. He’s not sure whether to head inside already. Sehun tells him he can. He’s given him enough time. But Luhan is just so nervous. What if his son hates him for keeping such a thing from him?

Sehun helps him by knocking on the door himself and holding Luhan still so he doesn’t run away. 

“Can I come in?” Luhan calls out. It takes a while for Xiangmin to answer. But he does so by opening the door and letting Luhan in. Xiangmin is so small but Luhan feels like the smallest between the two of them at the moment.

Luhan sits on Xiangmin’s bed while Xiangmin goes back to where he had been playing with his toys on the floor.

“Are you mad at me?” Luhan asks. He doesn’t know how to start these things and went with what he wanted to know first.

Xiangmin nods, making Luhan’s heart constrict.

“Why?”

Xiangmin finally looks at him. “Do you like Sehun hyung?”

Luhan doesn’t want to lie to him so he nods.

“How much?”

“Very much.” Luhan answers.

“Just like how much you like me?”

Luhan gets off the bed to kneel in front of his son. Xiangmin looks at him, all worried, and Luhan cups his tiny face in his hands.

“I love you. No one can ever compare to how much I love you.” Luhan explains.

“Then you won’t leave?”

“What?” Luhan looks at him confused. “Xiangmin, no one’s leaving. I’m not leaving. What made you say that?”

Xiangmin lowers his head and plays with his toys. 

“Sehun hyung left for a while. He didn’t come back for a long time. If you like him, what if you’ll do the same? What if you both leave and…”

Luhan doesn’t know what he did to deserve a son that loves him back so much. 

“Hey,” Luhan says making Xiangmin finally look up at him. He then smiles at his son. “That’s never going to happen. Where I go, you go.”

Xiangmin seems to relax at that.

“Just because I like someone doesn’t mean I’m going somewhere.” Luhan explains. Xiangmin nods at that and stands up to wrap his arms around Luhan’s neck. Luhan kisses the side of his head and hugs him tight.

“I’m not mad at you anymore.” Xiangmin says making Luhan laugh.

Luhan pulls back to look at him. “What about you? Do you like Sehun?”

Xiangmin nods. “But not as much as I love you.”

Luhan laughs at his son’s honesty. 

“Can I come in?”

It’s not Luhan’s call to make but Xiangmin’s. Xiangmin nods his head and Sehun enters his room and sits on the ground beside him.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner.” Sehun apologizes.

Xiangmin shakes his head. “It’s okay.” He leaves Luhan’s hold so he can go up to Sehun and hug him too. Sehun sighs as he wraps his arms around Xiangmin as well.

“I’m glad you like my appa.” He then pulls back and Luhan sees him make the sternest face he’s ever seen him do. “But you have to promise to to leave anymore and not make him cry.”

Sehun looks at him in surprise.

“Hey! I never cry.” Luhan exclaims. This makes Xiangmin and Sehun laugh.

Sehun holds up a pinky for Xiangmin, to which he coils his own pinky around his, and smiles up at him.

“I promise.”

 

 

 

Luhan gets a call from his mother in Beijing a month later. Luhan rarely talks to his mother because of the rates and because the past few months had been so busy. His mother refuses to learn how to use a computer and learn how to write emails. So Luhan only calls her from time to time or during the holidays.

She asks him how he and Xiangmin are. Luhan doesn’t tell her about the case since he thinks it would only worry her. She also asks if Luhan can come visit just for a few days to which he agrees since it’s been awhile since they last saw each other.

Sehun and Jongdae babysit Xiangmin. They’ve become friends along with Baekhyun these days, mainly because they all seem to like the same things and horse around with each other. Xiangmin had wanted to come with him but Luhan tells him next time. He’ll only be away for three days.

Luhan grew up in Beijing and moved to Seoul as an exchange student. His father strongly objected to it but his mother supported him. He only came back during the holidays and had contemplated on staying in Beijing for good when his father passed away due to an illness. But his mother said she would be fine and that she wanted him to spend the rest of his life doing what he wants rather than take care of her. Luhan stayed in Beijing just to help her with things his father left them with but returned to Seoul right after. He met Joohyun afterward and never really came back.

It’s a two hour flight from Seoul to Beijing. Luhan arrives and takes the bus to his old neighborhood. His mother greets him outside where she had been hanging clothes to dry. Luhan waves from afar, saddened to see how much older she had become. But his mother only gives him a big smile, easing Luhan’s discomfort to see that she’s still okay.

Their house is an old one but it’s still maintained quite well. Luhan breathes in the scent of his mother’s cooking as he steps inside and recognizes his favorites.

Luhan’s mother asks him how things are going in Korea and Luhan entertains her with what he has been doing so far. She loved the recent drama he and Minseok made and asks for details on the next one.

“And how are you?” Luhan’s mother asks as she pours him tea afterwards. They’re seated outside where they can enjoy the afternoon air.

“I’m great.” Luhan answers truthfully. He thinks back to everything he went through in the last months and smiles to himself. It really has been one roller coaster ride.

“It shows,” His mother says as she reaches to touch his cheek. “The last time I saw you…”

The last time Luhan’s mother saw him was when she knew of Joohyun’s death and flew to see him. He looked like a wreck then.

“Do you have someone?” His mother asks. Luhan thinks of Sehun and nods. 

“Sort of.”

Luhan’s mother seems surprised at that. “I have to meet her soon.”

Her. Luhan smiles to himself knowing the surprise her mother is going to be in when she meets Sehun someday. 

Luhan goes around Beijing with his mother like they used to do. They visit his father’s grave and go out to eat at old family restaurants. Luhan’s mother takes him shopping since she wanted to buy Xiangmin clothes and toys even if Luhan insisted he has enough.

Two days have passed and Luhan wonders why his mother wanted him to come over.

“I’ve opened the upstairs bedroom to be rented.” She says when Luhan asked.

“You mean my room?”

“That hasn’t been your room in ages.” She answers, rolling his eyes at him and laughing.

“Don’t you usually call someone to help you lift things?”

“It was an excuse to see your face.” His mother says, ruffling his hair as they walk up the stairs to Luhan’s old bedroom. “I would’ve wanted you to bring Xiangmin. I haven’t seen my grandson in so long.”

“Next time.” Luhan promises. He opens the door to his room and sees most of it has stayed the same. His drawers and cabinets are empty since his mother gave away all his old clothes. The only things left are old family photos and books that need to be carried downstairs.

“The photos you sent me of him looks like a younger version of you.” Luhan’s mother grabs a couple of light boxes but Luhan takes it from her and adds it to his pile. She sits on her bed instead and watches him get to work.

“It’s like looking at a mirror.” Luhan says.

“I just hope when he grows up he doesn’t forget to visit you too.”

It’s Luhan’s turn to roll his eyes as his mother teases him but he does kiss her on the temple when he walks out to put the boxes out on the hall.

“Does he play any sport?” She asks as she finds an old soccer ball on a corner of his room.

“No. But he does ride the bike. I taught him recently.”

“Has he gotten any taller?”

Luhan shakes his head. His mother then rants off a long list of Chinese medicine he can use.

“Does he talk to himself a lot too?”

Luhan places a big box down and wipes the sweat off his brow.

“What’s that?”

“Xiangmin. Does he talk to himself a lot too?”

Luhan places his hands on his hips as he catches his breath from all the lifting.

“Well, yeah. He plays a lot by himself so he does.”

Luhan’s mother chuckles. “I remember when you were little. You always played by yourself. Out on the soccer field at your old school. Especially out in the rain. Oh how you used to drive your father up the wall when you come in all wet and leave muddy footprints up the stairs.”

Luhan laughs, sitting down on the ground so he can rest and listen to his mother.

“You had the wildest imagination too.”

Luhan smiles to himself. He remembers Xiangmin and how the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

“You were so silly and rambled on and on as if you were talking to someone. Like you had an imaginary friend.”

“Maybe I did have one.” Luhan remembers Sehun telling him there were lots of them. Maybe he had an imaginary friend of his own too.

“You spoke his name out loud a number of times,” Luhan’s mother recalls. “What was it again? _Hun_ something? Sehun? Such a foreign name for a friend.”

It felt like time stopped for a whole minute and the world froze. Luhan is aware his mother is still talking but the only thing he can focus on are her last words.

“H-How would you be able to remember all that?” Luhan cuts his mother off from her ramblings.

“Oh honey, a parent always remembers stuff like that. Your classmates made fun of you for talking to yourself but that didn’t stop you from going on and on about this imaginary friend of yours.”

Luhan’s head is spinning with this information.

“You bawled one summer when you hadn’t seen him in days. You kept on wanting him back.” Luhan’s mother sighs. “Your father and I tried to talk some sense into you. But after a few weeks, you seemed to forget about him.”

_We only exist to children who need us._

Sehun’s words that he spoke to him so long ago echoes in Luhan’s ears.

_It happens a lot to a child without siblings._

_When does it go away?_ He had asked him. He wanted him to go away then. 

_When they grow up and they manage to find things that take up their time or distract them. Like school work. Or new friends._

Luhan never believes in coincidences. But as he listens to his mother and pieces everything together, why Sehun seemed so familiar, why his eyes always held him in, why he felt like he could trust him and give him another chance, everything just seemed to fall into place.

Sehun had been his own imaginary friend. 

And Luhan got him back.

 

 

 

The flight back to Korea was a smooth one but it seemed like Luhan was in a daze all throughout the ride. What he found out from his trip back home made him think about a lot of things. Sehun. His son. Why everything turned out the way it did. Coincidences. Fate. The latter are things he doesn’t believe in. But after everything that happened, Luhan is starting to think otherwise.

He arrives in his home all anxious. Like he’s meeting someone from the past. An old friend that he hasn’t seen in so long. Someone who has seen him as a child. Someone he’s shared moments with. Someone he wants to show how much he has grown into the person he is now. He wonders, by being reminded of this, will Sehun remember him too?

Sehun is standing in his kitchen when he enters. It’s still surreal how far they’ve come. Sehun is no longer a stranger to him. In fact, he looks like he belongs in this kitchen, in this room, in this apartment. Sehun looks like belongs in his life.

“You’re home.” Sehun smiles, his smile so wide that Luhan knows he missed him just as much as he did. “How was your trip?”

“Fine,” Luhan manages to say. It’s like his tongue is glued at the back of his throat. “Where’s Xiangmin?”

“At the park. He and Jongdae are riding their bikes. I’m heading over there in awhile. Want to come?” He asks. Sehun doesn’t just look like he belongs in his home. He feels like home now too.

Luhan can’t take it anymore. He drops his bags and comes up to him. He takes Sehun’s face in his hands and pulls him down, capturing his lips in his. Sehun doesn’t seem surprised by this sudden gesture when his arms instantly wrap around him, pulling him closer. Luhan had missed him and he wants to show him just how much.

Luhan slides his jacket off his arms, Sehun helping him pull it off for him. They don’t stop kissing, not even when Luhan is walking him backwards to his bedroom. Sehun slips his hands underneath his shirt making Luhan shiver at his touch.

“I missed you.” Sehun murmurs against his lips. Luhan hums, loving the way Sehun noses at his cheek.

“I found out something back home.” Luhan replies. He doesn’t know why he feels so nervous about divulging this information. This is Sehun. He doesn’t have to be nervous about anything around him. But there are still butterflies fluttering inside him coupled with this sudden heat pooling in his stomach.

“What about?” Sehun asks, voice all husky in his ears, yet he doesn’t allow Luhan to reply as he sucks on his bottom lip. Luhan lets him. He gives in to his needy kisses because he’s just as desperate to taste him.

“When I was little, I used to be just like Xiangmin,” Luhan starts. Sehun only looks at him in puzzlement. They were kissing each other heavily and talking about his son at the same time wasn’t exactly the right conversation to have at the moment. Nevertheless, Luhan pulls him inside his room and kicks the door shut behind him. This has Sehun forget about what they’re talking momentarily as he raises an eye at him.

They’ve never pushed things between the two of them. They make out when they’re alone but that’s it. They can’t do much when there’s a kid around and they’ve always respected each other’s privacy. And to be quite honest, Luhan doesn’t know how to _touch_ him. He’s not sure if there’s a right or wrong way to go about this. He’s in a relationship with a man, something he has never done before. The videos he searched on the internet don’t help much. It only made him feel more nervous.

But Luhan isn’t following a guideline right now. He’s just going with his gut, whatever he wants to do to Sehun at the moment.

Luhan steps closer to him and pushes him back lightly. The back of Sehun’s knees hit the edge of his bed, making him sit. Luhan doesn’t break his gaze. He’s very nervous yet there’s anticipation building inside him as he takes his shirt off. Sehun’s eyes widen. Luhan then straddles him, feels Sehun’s arms securely coil around his waist, his hands splayed flat on his bare back.

Luhan dips his head and kisses him, slow and languid. Sehun follows suit, not saying a word.

“My mother told me I used to have an imaginary friend.” Luhan continues, trailing kisses up to his cheek so he can whisper in his ear. Sehun presses his lips to his jaw and down his neck, making Luhan close his eyes as he shivers once more.

“I told you, we’re everywhere.” Sehun replies. Luhan pulls at Sehun’s own shirt, making him take it off. It’s the first time Luhan has seen him bare. Sehun isn’t built muscular. He’s lean but defined, lean muscles evident on his abdomen. Sehun’s shoulders are very broad and Luhan is mesmerized for a moment at his collarbones.

“My mother remembered his name,” Luhan says, inching his way down so he can suck at a patch of skin on his neck. He feels Sehun gasp, his hold on him tightening. The air around his room suddenly feels too hot with Sehun digging his fingers in his hips.

“I cried when he left.” Luhan continues, kissing up his jaw and then his lips. He knows Sehun is distracted. He’s trying to keep up with the conversation but he’s also letting Luhan ravage him.

“Now I know why you were so familiar.” Luhan breathes in between kisses. As he says this, Sehun slowly leans back to look at him. Luhan knows he’s putting two and two together and he lets him take his time although his heart is banging against his chest waiting for it all to sink in.

“My mother said my friend’s name was Sehun.” Luhan cups his face in his hands. Sehun is staring at him with wide eyes, like he can’t believe it. “How many of you are named Sehun?”

Sehun can’t seem to speak. He only shakes his head. “I don’t know,” He finally manages to say. “But not a lot… It can’t be… This is impossible.”

Luhan nods, pressing his forehead next to his. Sehun is holding him so tight, their bodies pressed so close together. 

“It had to be you.” Luhan says under his breath.

“This is impossible.” Sehun says again. He pulls back and looks at Luhan as if he’s studying every inch of his face. “I never get to see the children I’ve been assigned with grow up. I never see them again. And you-”

Luhan smiles. “It’s me.”

Luhan wonders if Sehun remembers those times they played out in the rain. He’d get sick afterwards but it had been worth it just to play outside with him. He wonders if Sehun remembers playing soccer with him and playing hide and seek among the rows of laundry his mother just hung. Luhan still can’t remember some things. But he’s sure now that it had been Sehun. 

“It’s me, Sehun. That’s why I could see you.”

Sehun nods, bringing his face down to him. “I know.” He breathes. “I know.”

Luhan feels his world turn upside down as Sehun pulls him down on the bed and flips him underneath him. Luhan arches his head back as Sehun starts kissing down his chest and down to his stomach. Every kiss he leaves him with leaves something blazing inside him.

Sehun laces their fingers together, kissing his knuckles and his palm and then moving up to go back to his lips. Luhan wraps his leg around his waist, pulling him closer. He’s hard, and so is Sehun, and Luhan no longer feels nervous about this.

“Please tell me you have condoms and lube back at your place.” Luhan pants. They hadn’t thought this whole thing through or that they would be doing this so soon.

“No. I’m sorry.” Sehun apologizes, pulling away. Luhan laughs and brings him back.

“That’s fine. It’s not like there’s only one way to do this.”

Sehun only looks at him in confusion before Luhan flips their position again. Sehun looks up at him, blinking, when Luhan unbuttons his pants, drags his zipper down and tugs at his underwear.

Sehun shivers, panting as Luhan looks down at him. “Luhan?”

Luhan is lost at the sight of Sehun’s erection that it takes him a moment to do anything else. He wraps his hand around his shaft, fingers trembling as he holds him in his hand. Sehun bucks into his touch but Luhan holds him down with his other hand.

He’s jacked himself off before. It shouldn’t be that hard to do to another person. But Luhan is shaking. Because this isn’t just any other person. This is Sehun. He moves his hand up and down, the slide a little difficult to do since he’s not well lubricated. But Sehun helps him, covering his hand around his own and moves their hands together.

He’s not aware Sehun had been toying with his own pants as well, unbuttoning and unzipping him. Luhan rests his forehead on Sehun’s neck, panting as Sehun takes his own cock out of his underwear and starts jacking him off too.

He’s lost in the haze of lust, of Sehun holding him and stroking him. Sehun’s hands are warm and gentle but the quick motions of his wrist is bringing him to his peak. Luhan turns his head so he can keep himself busy. He licks along Sehun’s neck, leaves small bites on his skin, earning a few gasps and jerks from him.

Luhan moves upwards so their cocks are both next to each other. Luhan thrusts, sliding it against Sehun’s shaft. The slide has become smooth, both their precome aiding Luhan’s ministrations. Sehun’s hands are large enough to stroke both of their cocks while Luhan ruts against him.

It doesn’t take much for them to come. Sehun comes first, Luhan’s name on his lips while Luhan follows after when he feels Sehun release his hold on himself and focuses on Luhan, thumbing his tip and stroking him fast. Luhan’s thrusts stutter as he finds his release and he takes his time, Sehun running his hands down his back as he waits for him to finish.

Luhan lies there on top of him, spent. Sehun kisses the side of his face and Luhan raises himself on his elbows to look at him. Sweat dots Sehun’s brow and Luhan smiles at this image of him.

“I don’t know what just happened but that was amazing.” He says.

Luhan laughs at Sehun’s innocence, burying his face in his neck. 

They spend a few more minutes in bed, lying next to each other. Luhan only gets up when the cum on his skin starts to feel itchy. Luhan drags Sehun to the shower with him so they can both clean up.

“Wait,” Sehun stops him. “I told Jongdae I was coming to get them at the park.”

Luhan just continues to pull him along with him.

“We’ll pick them up after.” He promises.

“And then we’ll come home?” Sehun asks.

Home. Luhan likes the way that sounds on Sehun’s lips.

“Yes.” Luhan nods, loving the way his hand fits around Sehun’s hand nicely. “We’ll all come home.”

 

 

 

\- 

 

_He pulls the covers up to his chin and scoots over so he can fit in his bed. He just turned seven and his father told him he should start sleeping in his own room._

_“Your father just sees you as a young man now.” His friend explains._

_“But what if there are monsters in the closet?” He asks. If this was anyone else, he would’ve felt ashamed to express this out loud. But his friend never makes fun of him._

_“There are no monsters in there. Only your clothes.”_

_He nods, yawning as he making himself comfortable on his sheets._

_“Go to sleep. Tomorrow is an important day.” His friend says._

_Soccer tryouts are tomorrow and he had spent the rest of the weekend playing out on the field. His father is proud to have him try out for a sport he used to play really well too._

_“Will you watch me play?” He asks. His friend only smiles at him and tells him to go to sleep._

_“It’s late. You should get some rest.”_

_That wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear. But he dismisses it. His friend looks a little sad these days. He doesn’t visit as much as he used to. He doesn’t want to bring it up. Maybe tomorrow, when he sees him out there on the field, he’ll cheer up._

_He turns to shut the lights off on his bedside and hugs his pillow to sleep._

_“Goodnight, Sehun.”_

_Sehun smiles, brushing the hair out of his eyes. He leans forward to kiss him on his forehead just like he always does._

_“Goodnight and sweet dreams, Luhan.”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> \- it is 1:30 in the morning. i'm sorry for typos i may have missed  
> \- the legal process of fighting for custody of a child against grandparents may not be accurate  
> \- i've been working on this fic for so long and if you've managed to finish this, thank you for taking the time to read it T_T  
> \- and last, thank thank you so much jan. you've always been there for all of my selu delu moments. this fic is for you <3


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